Are you ready to feel better, right now? (But it feels exhausting to think about?)
Who you are:
- You’ve been down so long that you hardly remember what it’s like to feel good.
- Your job performance is suffering, and you know it. But you feel numb inside and it’s hard to make yourself care.
- If you’re a mom, your kids are starting to worry about you, too. They haven’t seen you smile in a long time. They want their mom back. They want their home to be a safe, happy place.
- Your appearance is suffering because you don’t have the energy to get out of bed in time to worry about your hair, your clothes, or makeup.
- You’ve made some stabs at doing something about all this: counseling, a divorce group, spending time with family and friends. But nothing’s making much of a difference.
- Lately, you've been thinking, how much longer until I start getting over this? And the lack of an answer scares you.
- You’re drinking too much, and maybe you’ve been dating a guy or two who makes you feel even worse because you’re not being treated with respect. You’re not someone super special to him.
What your challenges tend to be:
- You hate to admit it, but you spend too much time sugar-coating what life was like with your ex.
- Thinking about the other woman is tearing you apart.
- You don’t feel in control of any of your emotions. Frankly, some of your emotions scare you: the crying that won’t stop, and the anger that is so intense it feels like someone else is living inside you. You’ve always been an emotionally healthy person, but now you’re starting to wonder.
- You feel so lonely, and although people try, no one really understands.
- Right now, you don’t feel you have much to look forward to, and the very idea of thinking about the future exhausts you.
- You're sleeping too much or not enough. You can't get your mind to stop so you can rest.
- You are wondering how long this has to go on, and you’re sick and tired of following advice that doesn’t do a thing to help you feel better.
What you need most right now:
- A plan that you can get excited about, but you have no clue how to begin. Everything feels like so much work.
- A method of healing and moving forward that feels like fun and not just more for your to-do list.
- Little life-hacks for all the things that feel so difficult now: Starting with getting out of bed in the morning and actually feeling like doing something.
- Baby steps that lead you to feeling a little better every day. Benefits that are cumulative, not just a few moments of relief and then you’re back to darkness and a box of tissues.
- A step-by-step program that’s so different from anything else that you have confidence, right from the beginning, that it will work.
- A plan of action that makes you feel like a woman again.
How do I know these things? Because I have been through it all, and the women on whom I first tested my program had been through it all, too.
When I first got over the initial shock of my then husband's 4-year secret life with another woman, I began to feel truly happy for the first time in years. I felt that exhilaration of having a second chance at life. For the first time in years, I could make all of my own choices. I could decorate the way I wanted to. I could buy china and flatware I liked. I could choose a bedspread and shower curtain that pleased me. I could see whomever I liked and go wherever I wanted to go, see the films I wanted to see -- I even traveled internationally for the first time since my husband and I met.
But then, after the first few months of freedom, I felt so alone.
As a child, I was taught not to expect too much from life. I was also taught that no one was going to help me. Whatever it was that I wanted, I'd have to get it myself. And that almost always entailed lots of blood, sweat, and tears -- while I watched everyone around me getting started in life with lots of love and emotional and financial support.
Because I wasn’t used to having much attention or love, healing from divorce was especially hard. I didn’t have lots of people around to tell me things would really be okay.
And, maybe this has happened to you: It wasn’t just the divorce. That was the first in a string of tragedies that happened within two years of my divorce becoming final. I find that this happens with so many of my clients. Divorce is the first disaster in a chain of disasters that makes it very difficult for them to keep standing up again after each fall.
So, I looked at what needed to change, within myself, and created a 7-step program around it. Then I surveyed everyone I knew was divorcing at that time, or had been divorced. I wanted to see whether they had faced the same challenges. To my surprise (because I believe that each person is unique), the answers to the surveys I sent out told me that we were all going through a very similar nightmare.
I knew that I had to create something that could make me feel excited about life, and that would feel fun. (Going to talk therapy sessions, and reading dozens of self-help books certainly didn’t and wasn’t.)
If I didn't want to keep repeating the same patterns that had caused me to sell myself out all my life, I realized that some big changes were in order. Ones that made me know that my life mattered, and that it wasn’t foolish to dare to dream of having my best life yet. I knew in my heart that it was possible. And I was right. And. It wasn't very hard. In fact, it was much easier than I had imagined.
The changes I made eight years ago were the seeds of The Dynamic Divorcée. People started asking what had happened to me. How was I able to change so much, and to attract into my life the kinds of situations and relationships that women dream of?
The Dynamic Divorcee Method contains some simple changes you can make on the inside that will completely transform your outer reality. And most of the changes have to do with your own feelings of safety and security in your life.
The good news is that you don't have to go way back and dredge up all sorts of memories from childhood and adolescence. (Those of you who have tried talk therapy already know that the process can be long, tedious, and tends to prolong the problems.)
What to do next:
Click here to take a look at the 7 steps in my program, and get a feel for what it's all about. When you click the link, at the bottom of the page, there's a link to contact me, if you have questions. Hugs!