7-Day Divorce Healing Facebook Jumpstart

How can I make it even quicker and easier to emotionally heal from divorce?

As a divorce recovery coach, I ask myself this question every day.

To the left, you can see one of my favorite memes that I created to help my dynamic divorcees get a few quick emotional wins right away, so that they'll believe that the process I take them through really works.

And, I just started thinking . . . this is a valuable little exercise for anyone who follows me and reads my stuff.

It can stand alone as a way to believe that you are never stuck, even if it feels that way.  You can always shift the view to something that gives you enough hope to wake up the next day and take the next step.

So, my question is: Do you want to try this?  With me, for free, on Facebook.

Get a little support in doing for yourself what you wish he had done for you. You know the things. Ask yourself what you need. Then, give it to yourself.

Feel that you are worthy to deserve excellent treatment from yourself. Stop hurting yourself by feeling that, if you were "good enough" or worthy enough, he would have treated you better. Your worth had nothing to do with how he behaved. You make yourself more beautiful to the outside world by how well you treat yourself.
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Receive support in developing the new habit of reminding yourself, throughout each day, of the things you love about you. Stuck on this one? What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? What were your passions before you got married? What do people tend to compliment you on?

Learn how to cheer yourself on when no one else seems to know what you need or has time to give it. Remind yourself that YOU KNOW the value of the spirit inside you. Deep down, YOU KNOW that you were meant for more than where you are right now.

7-Day Jumpstart on Facebook: 

Would you like some free, online support, over 7 days, to try the simple steps above?  Let me know!  Comment below this post, or, if you're seeing this on Facebook, comment on the post!

UPDATE 8.7.18: I've heard from a bunch of women who are saying yes to the 7-Day Self-Love Facebook Jumpstart.  So . . . the seven days will begin the week after Labor Day, starting Sunday, Sept. 9 and finishing on Saturday, Sept. 15.  The best way to make sure you get all of the details is to contact me here and let me know you want in on the Jumpstart : )

 

Coping With Divorce: Handling fear, and giving yourself the love you need

Welcome to a series of world-class master coach videos I’m sharing on topics that are key to emotional healing after divorce. Louise Hay is an American motivational author and the founder of Hay House, she has authored several New Thought self-help books, including her best-selling You Can Heal Your Life.

In divorce, we’ve lost the one person who we thought would be there for us -- who actually promised to love us forever.  As divorced women, it often happens that we feel more unlovable and unloved than ever before.  We may feel more undeserving than ever before. These kinds of feelings can become stronger and stronger, and become the dark prism through which every part of our lives become distorted.

Are you feeling, "Wait! That's not my problem! I'm just terrified about how I'm going to survive this divorce." Please don't bail on this blog post. When you learn to truly love and support yourself emotionally, you'll have the confidence to handle all of the other changes you're going through right now.

This video is a Louise Hay classic, where she teaches many of her most popular concepts around why it’s difficult to love and accept ourselves. She also gives essential strategies on how to deal with fears that come up when we want to learn to treat ourselves with love.

If you feel that you’re starving for love and lonely from a lifetime of trying to earn love from others, this is a must-watch.  If you're thinking, "No, that's not me," please watch anyway.  Trust me on this.

Scroll down past the video for top divorcée takeaways from this Louise Hay teaching on dealing with fears of not being “enough” for the challenges you face, and how to grow your self love (in case you'd like an idea of what's covered before watching).

Divorcée takeaways on feeling unloved, undeserving, and fearing what the future holds:

  • Loving ourselves is the most powerful thing we can do in our lives.

  • Self-love is not self-indulgence.  Self-love is respecting and appreciating the magnificent beings that we are.

  • As babies, we’re not afraid to let others know how we feel.  We live in the moment.  We’re filled with courage. We were all like that. We adored ourselves.

  • Then, we started to grow up, and started to listen to people who were frightened or critical or resentful or guilty.

  • What you were taught to believe by the people around you has influenced the choices you make and the things you think in the now.

  • As an adult, you are now in charge. It doesn’t matter what your parents said, or what anyone else told you.  You’re the only person who thinks in your mind and gets to choose your thoughts. (Rosetta’s Hint: It’s especially important to get your ex’s voice out of your head.)

  • One of the most powerful affirmations you can use is, “I love and approve of myself.”

  • When you first say this affirmation, often, all the negative thoughts about yourself come to the surface. And this gives you the opportunity to know what’s been in the way of your loving yourself.

  • If you don’t hear your negative messages, you don’t know what’s in the way. When you feel a negative message bubbling up in your mind, write it down. Once you know the negative thoughts that you have about yourself, you can choose to change them.

  • Louise teaches her mirror work exercise: “I love and approve of you exactly as you are.”

  • As you acknowledge any negative messages that come into your mind about yourself, you can diffuse their power by simply telling them, “Thank you for sharing.” (Rosetta: Say this as if you were saying this to someone else whose opinion is not welcome.)

  • Who would be upset if you really loved yourself? (Rosetta’s Hint: Think about who would roll their eyes at you, call you selfish, or tell you that you’re “not all that.” Do you really want to continue to accept these opinions, or would you rather focus on what's wonderful about you?)

  • We can go beyond the limitations and negative mindsets of our family and friends.  Through no fault of these people, we can’t help but have internalized their ways of thinking and behaving.

  • How do you learn to love yourself?  Number one is to stop all criticism -- of yourself and of other people. And it is a lot easier to stop criticizing other people, once you’ve stopped criticizing yourself.

  • Number two is to stop scaring yourself.  How often do you terrorize yourself with your own thoughts? We find so many ways to scare ourselves.

  • Make a list of your fears. Then give yourself the opportunity to turn each fear into a positive affirmation. (Rosetta’s Hint: One way to start this process is to take a look at each fear or negative thought and think of ways that it’s not necessarily true, that there can be another outcome, and that you are not really a victim of what you fear -- you can have a lot to do with the way things turn out.)

  • One negative or self-loathing thought doesn’t make a lot of difference. But thoughts are like drops of water.  If the drops of water keep falling, eventually you get an ocean. The negative thoughts become patterns, and seem real, and it can seem impossible to paddle upstream against them.

  • By challenging our fears and the thoughts that hurt us, we change our experiences. We have the opportunity to move forward without all the darkness and self-doubt of the past.

Would you like more help around self-love and changing fearful, negative thought patterns in your life?

If you feel you’re sinking or stuck in dealing with your emotions (as you navigate separation and divorce, or as you try to heal emotionally after divorce) why not schedule a 30-minute virtual coffee date with me? You'll get immediate help and techniques to feel better from the moment you get on the call. (And if, after our call, you don't feel our time together was helpful, your $25 payment will be auto-refunded. There is nothing to lose, and you will feel better fast.)

Click this link to learn more

you are beautiful, and why other women make this hard for us to believe

A few months ago, I attended a women's circle in which each woman was invited to talk about something on her mind -- in an atmosphere of support from all of the others present.

One woman shared how she had never felt feminine or beautiful, and related several incidents of slights and insults from fellow girls and women that dated all the way back to her teen years.

This woman was strikingly beautiful in my eyes, and absolutely radiant.  After feeling called out on her appearance so many times, I could imagine how innocent comments or even compliments could have been interpreted by her as slams.

For her, it would be a never-ending perception that something was wrong with her.  Unless she decided to change her own mind about herself.

Maybe, like me, you too have been dismayed by the way women can compete and jockey for position, especially when men are in the room.  Maybe you, too, have experienced how insecure women feel compelled to destroy someone else in order to feel like somebody special themselves.

I started this year by making a cute special offer on The Dynamic Divorcée Facebook page.  My Magic Mondays offer was a little pouch filled with You Are Beautiful items:  silver stickers, pinback buttons, magnets . . .

Wow, it was a popular little giveaway!

Women commented about why they wanted to win it, and so many of the comments were about how their self-confidence and sense of their own attractiveness had eroded away over the years.  Often, it was a critical husband who did the damage.  Sometimes it had started in women's families of origin.  Sometimes it was bullying at school.

But here's why lots of women wanted to win my little gift:  Everyone wanted to love and approve of themselves -- and to share with other women that they are beautiful, too.

Have you experienced a lack of support from the women in your life, or even verbal bullying or insults from women whose opinion mattered to you?   I found this article on the subject interesting.

I truly believe that there's another piece to this puzzle:  Making my opinion of myself and my inner and outer beauty more important than what anyone else has to say about it.

We can't control others' perceptions, or how their own pain and insecurities may influence how they perceive us or treat us.  We're not inside their heads (and we probably don't want to be).

I don't think the unconventionally beautiful woman at the women's circle would have shared those painful, shaming memories if she didn't know in her heart and soul that she was beautiful, she is beautiful, and that she deeply disagrees with those who say she is somehow less than they are.

There's a part inside each of us that wants the way we see ourselves to be reflected back in the gaze of others.  Especially important others.  And, it will be reflected back.  As soon as we feel our own beauty deeply enough inside ourselves.