22 things that make a woman attractive to men

I'm always looking for useful news articles, blogs, and videos to share on my Dynamic Divorcée facebook page.  In pursuit of this, I view a lot of awful dreck, and the other night, I couldn't help myself.  I watched a creepy video sales pitch called "How to Be an Adorable Woman."

It was so awful that I scrolled down to read the comments to see if anyone had uncovered what sort of scam this was.  There I read a couple of long comments from a guy called 1971SuperLead.  He decided to fill us women in on what a real guy thinks would make a woman adorable.

[Warning:  You may find some of this offensive, but it's not often that a regular guy tells you the truth about what men want, and I think a lot of this stuff is what men think across a broad range of demographics.]

Here's what he had to say (and, of course, these are his words, not mine):

1. Be confident
2. Smile a lot.
3. Sit up straight.
4. Don't be needy.
5. Show interest in what he does.
6. Don't talk his ear off.
7. If you need help, see a shrink. Don't ask your boyfriend to be your shrink.
8. Watch the movie Simon Birch. Ashley Judd plays what every man wants.
9. Never complain. Just be grateful for every act of kindness he displays.
10. Don't dress like a whore. Don't wear baggy clothes either. Wear make up that makes it look like you're not wearing make up.
11. Part your hair on the side. The shy playful hair in the eye look is irresistible.
12. Never be manipulative.
13. Be a cheap date.

Follow my instructions and you'll land nearly any man you want.
Was I helpful? Do you want more tips?

14. Go easy on the perfume. We shouldn't be able to smell you unless our nose is less than a foot away. 
15. Sorry, but we really don't care about shoes at all.
16. Being able to cook scores a lot of points.
17. It's okay to be smart. Smart is sexy.
18. Be mysterious. Don't show him your photo albums, all your clothes, all your awards, all the things you got on trips, etc. The less he knows about you the better.
19. No guilt trips! Ever! If the guy is a creep:  Leave him! Don't try to fix him. Don't try to change him. Don't make deals with him. He's not your project. He is what he is. Love what he is or split.
20. Contrary to popular belief, guys don't like big boobs any more than small ones. So don't ever think about implants.
21. Keep your apartment clean.
22. White teeth are important, but not too white. They gotta look somewhat natural.

Shoot, I can go on and on, but what is surprising to most women is that what is really attractive to a man is a woman who sits up straight, doesn't talk more than he does and smiles a lot.

Smile when you look at him. That smile is what's gonna win him over. You know what a man wants when he comes home from a hard day's work? He wants to come home to a decent woman who's happy he came home, and shows it with her smile. That's really all we want.

We just want to be appreciated by someone we can respect. If we can get that we're happy! You know why? Because we can't get that!

Instead we come home to women who aren't happy and who can't wait to tell us about their day and all their drama and problems. Guess what?  We don't want to see that or hear it.

Your drama doesn't interest us in the slightest and, even worse, it makes us feel inadequate, because we can't solve your problems and it's ingrained in men to solve problems, and so you become a source of frustration, because if you aren't happy we feel it's our duty to fix things for you. Don't ask why this is.  Just accept it as how men are.

So, you need a girlfriend, so you have someone to talk to, because men don't want to talk, unless it's about going to Las Vegas or what's for dinner.  Keep your drama away from him. That's what you have friends for.

Even if he says he wants to hear your problems don't tell him, because a girl with problems is not attractive. We like healthy women. We are biologically attracted to healthy women. Physically and mentally. This is what turns us on. It's just our nature.

So never let him in on your problems, because every problem makes you uglier to him. Discuss your problems only with your friends and your doctors. He doesn't need to know them. He can't help you anyway with your problems, so why discuss them with him?

Oh yeah, if you have a flat tire he can help you with that, but that back-stabbing bitch in the office you work with? No, never mention her to him. Got it?

Now spend some hours looking in the mirror and learn how to smile. I did this with a few girls. I had to teach them how to smile. You girls don't know how to smile. I've seen some homely girls turn into angels just by looking in the mirror and learning how to smile.

You have to practice looking happy, loving and confident. You have to practice FEELING happy, loving and confident. THIS is what men want! This is the Secret! I've fallen for fat ugly trolls because when they looked at me they looked me right in the eyes and smiled with a happy, loving and confident smile.

It was like they were filled with goodness and could see my goodness. What a turn on! Again, watch Simon Birch. Ashley Judd walks around happy, smiling, confident and seems to see goodness in everyone.

It's all about attitude. Fall in love with yourself and everyone around you. Be thrilled to be who you are and be thrilled by the people around you. Never complain! Never! It's so unattractive. If you run into Charles Manson, don't hate him. Pity him and say something nice about him. That's sexy! That's irresistible. Don't be a bitch. Be an angel. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything. Men will kiss the ground you walk upon, and why?

Because most women are unhappy, angry, unsatisfied, judgmental nags who actually think they are helping you and themselves by trying to change you. All you're really doing is telling us we are inadequate. We feel inadequate enough without your help! LOL, but seriously, we do. God, what we wouldn't do to have someone so lovely tell us that we're wonderful as we are!

We are wonderful! People are wonderful, but who wants to hang out with someone who is blind to this truth? Certainly not me. Life is wonderful! People are wonderful! Never forget this and you will have men begging just to be in your presence. So simple! Just smile when you look at people! Nothing is more attractive! Smile like you are looking at something surprisingly precious and sweet. Is that so hard? You have no idea the power that you'll have. You'd never have to work another day in your life.

I couldn't find a woman like that, so I have a cat. She's thrilled when I come home. That's all I want: Someone who's happy to see me come home! That's what men want! To be appreciated! That's it! If we have that we are happy! We'll do anything to have that! Nothing else really matters. Just love me.

You don't even have to have sex with me. Just be glad I'm alive. What the hell? Why is that so difficult for women? Why are we instead seen as the cause of all your problems? We don't cause your problems. You cause your own problems.

If you're not happy with us, it's because you're killing us with all your complaining. If you'd shut up and smile, we'd smother you with gifts. It's what we do. We just want to provide for the woman who is happy we are alive. It's so simple. Your nagging accomplishes nothing productive. Your appreciation for even the smallest things will turn your man into a superhero who will kill himself to make you even happier.

If you can just remember that your man is good, no matter how bad he messes up, he will serve you. But as soon as you accuse him of being rotten, you have killed the drive within him to serve you.

We just can't be loyal to someone who doesn't see the goodness in us. How many times can you kick a dog before he bites you? Men are no different. We don't improve by being beaten. We only improve when we are rewarded.

Reward us with your faith in us and we will kill to protect you. Yes, men are dogs. We are very simple beasts. All we want is to please our kind masters.

So if you are kind to a man and he bites you. Leave! You found yourself a sick dog. You aren't a veterinarian. Get the hell out of there and find someone else. Never try to heal a man. It's not your job. It's his. Wish him luck and go find a healthy man.

So, just who is 1971SuperLead?  You can check out his youtube channel here, where you'll find this bearded, 60-something gent playing some great bluesy guitar solos.

being invisible . . . does it feel like this?

Today, I want to share with you some things that women in my Dynamic Divorcée community have said to me -- this month alone -- on the subject of feeling invisible.  (But, keep reading past the sadness, because -- let's not stay in this invisible black hole!)

First, some raw and honest responses to the question, "What does being invisible mean to you?" 

"Hollow. I see the person in the mirror.  She looks like a tired version of someone I used to know.  She's definitely not the vibrant person I used to see."

"Being treated like you are worthless, weak, and can be bullied."

"Irrelevant, stuck on auto pilot, bland, grey."

"It seems no one sees me, my pain, my value as a human. I feel like everyone just sees me as a tool to get what they need."

"Feeling as if I am not making a lively and beneficial contribution to friends and family, and the world.  Also, feeling small because everyone else seems to be so dominant and happy."  

"It's going about my daily life like a robot of sorts, nobody seems to notice you.  You're there and even appreciated, but nobody seems to take the time to ask you to do things with them."

These are just a few of many responses that I received when I did a giveaway of private coaching with me in my Invisible to Irresistible program. 

Okay, let's try to shift this dreadful, maybe-the-best-part-of-life-is-over feeling.  Is it possible to see the humor in this?

If you haven't seen the Mindy is Invisible superbowl ad (and even if you have),  take a look:

 

I love this because, while you're working out ways to be less invisible in your life, it's fun to enjoy all the things you can get away with since no one's looking.  (Though I don't recommend eating the gallon of ice cream while walking down the grocery aisle!)

Okay, once you've seen the funny side of this situation, what can you do?

How about starting with this.  Ask yourself, "How can I be a little more outrageous today?"  Wow, there's a pretty good chance that you've never even aspired to being outrageous.  In fact, maybe you're not even sure what that might mean for you.

Good.  Time to think about it!

Is your closet almost entirely comprised of neutrals?  Hmmm.  How much fun is that?  Maybe it's time to remember what your favorite color is and to include it -- love seeing it in your surroundings, and on you!

When was the last time you created a little adventurous fun in your life?  Eat something different, see something different, hang out with someone who isn't part of your usual circle.  Find something to get excited about.  You can't be excited and interested in life and still be grey and invisible.  

Don't feel like taking the above suggestion?  Is your inner response that you're just too tired, too cash poor, too depressed?  That's what I'm here for.  To tell you to stop resisting and to take a baby step in the direction of being the person you've dreamed of being.  

Maybe you stopped having personal dreams (you know, the ones that get you really excited with positive expectation) a long time ago.  It's time to get back in touch with the young, hopeful you -- in little ways that feel safe to explore.

And, out of the foggy, grey invisible form that you now see as you, colors and focus and a beautiful form will start to emerge from the inside out.

What is one small thing you can do today to step out from behind the mask of invisibility, and say "Here I am!"?

I keep linking to this blog post of mine from last year, but if you haven't seen it yet, it's all about using just a simple smile to feel better right now. If you're completely stumped about a first step to take, take this one!

Moscow, Belgium: When you need a film that commiserates with you . . .

This weekend's suggested movie viewing is Moscow, Belgium, the 2008 film by director Christophe Van Rompaey.

If you're tired of a string of lackluster dates, this film will convince you that your experiences are not really thaaaat bad.

The film is billed as a comedy, but it's more a drama with touching comedic elements.  Set in Belgium, in a working-class neighborhood on the outskirts of Ghent, we follow the life of 41-year-old, yet-to-be-divorced Matty, as she works at her dead-end job, goes about raising her three children, and begins a relationship with a truck driver, despite herself.

A phenomenal character study of a single, midlife mom.  Without the Cinderella ending.  Very much worth the viewing, and you may see parts of yourself in Barbara Sarafian's portrayal of the leading character.  Sometimes it's much easier to see yourself outside of yourself, in someone else.

Here's the New York Times review.  And, here's a Netflix link to the film.

Enough Said: Is he "good enough"?

As I wrote my July 11 post, "Are Men Really More Attractive as They Age?", in the back of my mind I was thinking about the 2013 film Enough Said, with James Gandolfini and Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

So, I'm making it my chick-flick recommendation for this weekend's viewing.

Here's why.  I have one big caveat regarding that July 11 blog post:  Like attracts like, and we're cruising for a crash (and a badly bruised ego) when we expect to attract men who are head and tails above the level we're at in our own lives. 

My previous post was about how men's feelings of entitlement are colored by a lifetime of women's petting, coddling, and abetting their shortcomings and bad behavior.  Not to mention daily media photo spreads of the much-younger conquests of middle-aged rich and famous men. 

But can women's expectations be a little off the mark, too?  For sure.

I decided to write about Enough Said because of a couple of recent coaching calls with Dynamic Divorcee clients.

One particular lady in her late 40s, without a decent job, floating while looking for a lifesaver, expressed her goal to find a professional man to support her and her three children so she could stay home and pursue her clothing design hobby.

There's nothing wrong with hoping that a man can help better a woman's financial situation.  Men and women often bring different gifts to the table in a relationship.  So I asked this client to take a look at what she is bringing to the table. What does she have to offer to the mythical Prince Charming?

In Enough Said, Louis-Dreyfus' character Eva, a massage therapist and divorced, single mother, begins dating a regular guy, a self-described "slob" who is actually a person at her own level, and, with this, she immediately begins to find fault.  Should she settle for him?  Should she deserve better?  Intruigued?  Watch and find out what happens.

Back to real life:  What's the best way to meet a great man (and have the greatest amount of choice and power in the relationship)?  Bring to the table exactly what you hope he will bring to you.  Ever notice that the moment you're no longer white-knuckling a situation, you immediately get what you've been longing for?  Same thing here.

Get your financial house in order.  It's way easier to do this yourself than to expect someone else to do it for you.  Show the man you like that you're not expecting him to provide you with the basics.  Let him see that you have your own life, a great circle of friends.  That your life is already full of interests and yummy goodness that you may be willing to share with him, if he's willing to try hard enough to show you that he is the one.

That's an attitude much more likely to meet with success than for a middle-aged woman to expect to find a man willing to do all the up-leveling for her. And, way more fun.  And . . . now you deserve to be picky : ) .