Divorce Healing Rituals: Spring cleaning and decluttering

This is my third blog post on the subject of magic.  Here's where you can find magic blog #1 and magic blog #2.

So, why try to create magic?  How does magic have a place in your divorce healing toolkit?

It's as simple as the fact that you can't solve a problem with the same mind that is already adding to your pain and unhappiness.

Another way of saying this is that you can't pour a different liquid into a cup that's already full.  If your cup is already filled with a cocktail of sadness and bitterness, there is no room to pour a sweeter nectar.  The only option is to pour out the bitter drink, or smash the glass and start over.

Divorce “spring” cleaning brings calm and peace

In my previous posts on magic, I've talked about creating space within your mind and heart -- finding ways to believe in yourself and to believe in life again.  But, there's also the magic of creating space that attracts good things rather than repels them.

Have you noticed how it feels to enter a dusty, dingy space, with half-eaten fast food containers lying about?  It has a sad and haunted feeling.  And, we, ourselves, can start to feel this way when we're too exhausted to take a shower, or change the sheets, and nothing seems to bring us even a brief moment of delight.

Let's get some magic working in this situation.  First of all, banish dust, dirt, and sticky things.  The magic of happiness is repelled by these things.  Even if you vaccum the dust bunnies from just one room, or just one corner, you've started to lighten the space.

You don't have to attempt to be thorough, if you feel too depressed to do anything. Just pick up a paper towel and wipe down one countertop, or sweep one tiny corner. Every little bit helps the spirit of the room.  

My power tip:  Find a cleaning solution that you really love (I like Fabuloso in lavender, or I just add some Florida Water to soapy water) and the fragrance will instantly change the atmosphere for the better.  Our Pine-Sol-loving grandmothers knew about the power of a clean-smelling house.

Decluttering after divorce (plus special magic)

If you tried the magical post-divorce “spring” cleaning and felt a huge difference, you may be willing to try divorce decluttering and calling in your good spirits to take up residence and be part of your healing team.

Here’s how.

Don't add more purchases and "stuff" to your home; instead, clean out things that make you feel sad. Objects that are old, worn out, sad, or bring back sad memories are energy vampires. Learn more about this here.

Once you've created space in all of these various ways I've talked about in my magic series of posts, you've set the stage for magic to come in.

Now, it's time for your fairies -- the good and loving spirits of your home (or even your work environment) to come in and bless you.  Think of them as angels, if you like that image better.  Think of them as "vibes" if you don't believe in woo-woo.  

Invite them into your space in any way that works for you.  Ask them if there's anything in your environment that needs to be changed in order to help you feel better.  Ask them if there's anything they want from you.

Especially if you're feeling alone in the world, knowing that you can collaborate with good spirits, or even with the beauty of nature itself (by adding a life-giving plant or two to your space) can be so helpful -- by letting you feel that you are connected.

I want to end this post with a few lines from the poem "The House of Belonging" by David Whyte:

This is the bright home
in which I live,
this is where
I ask
my friends
to come,
this is where I want
to love all the things
it has taken me so long
to learn to love.

This is the temple
of my adult aloneness
and I belong
to that aloneness
as I belong to my life.

There is no house
like the house of belonging.

 Want some help with inviting magic into your life. You can find me here.

Healing From Divorce: Real magic versus fairy-tale fixes that go "poof"

Last week, I wrote about the magic of intention, and how to use five powerful steps to create magic by working with the things you can control in your life right now.  

I wrote about how we unknowingly create "bad magic", and what to do about that.  Plus, how to practice the magical skills you may not know you already have -- by manifesting simple, easy pleasures and gifts.

But what if you have some ideas about magic that make emotional and financial recovery from divorce even more difficult -- rather than creating the small or big miracles you're looking for?

Because, there's real magic and . . . there's pretending and fairy tales.  Many women try to block out the pain of divorce by indulging in retail therapy or luxury vacations with no lasting benefits.   Others resort to an array of options to change the way they look, thinking that it's easier to just change the packaging than to look inside for the answers on how to take our lives forward.  

All of that seems to work, for a very brief moment.  The new look or the new place is refreshing and lets us believe we're different, just like magic.  But, then -- poof! -- it's gone.  The pain comes back, the confusion and emptiness return, and it ends up that nothing has really changed.

Real magic happens when we stop trying to escape, stop trying to be someone else or someone better, and decide to make friends with our own inner life and ask it what it wants from us.

Buying happiness and why getting to real magic can seem so difficult.

It doesn't help that, as women, we've been sold to all our lives, and told that, if we were just prettier, more charming, more "it", or had this or that glittery object, that we'd finally be "enough" to attract everything we wanted.  It was always about impressing someone else.  And that someone else was often a man.

So step one on the path to real magic is to stop thinking about who everyone else says you should be as a woman.  Sometimes, this requires a "cold turkey" period, where you decide to stop putting on the cosmetic mask that you've worn everyday since forever, and stop putting on your daily uniform, whatever it is.  It's about starting from a blank slate again and remembering who you really are, without all of the expectations that have surrounded you since you were born.

How much of your life feels like the real you? And, who is the real you?

How many of the things that surround you (your home, your possessions, your cubicle at work) really feel like they're an extension of you?  How about your friends? Your family?  Do these things, people, and situations truly feel comfortable and right for you, or does it feel as if you're marooned on a planet that feels strange and cold?

One way to find the real magic of transformation is to peel back the layers of "not me" to find the heart of your real truth, and start again from that.  It doesn't have to be painful, and it can be done bit by bit, as if you're on an archeological dig, gently brushing away the signs of a civilization that was built on top of who you are.  Slowly and gently, you begin to uncover clues to the real you.  Little by little, you start to live in honor of that true you.

The real magic is in meeting ourselves.  What does the spirit inside you really want?  In order to meet her, it helps to stop collecting things, layering on all sorts of new objects and escapist experiences in an effort to dull the pain.

Believe it or not, the answers are looking for you.  Life does want to give you the fulfillment of your dreams, even if it all seems like a tangled, impossible mess right now.  Magic is trying to find you right now.  Your divorce is part of that magic.  

Interesting in reading Part 3 of this magic series? Click here.

Want to know more about my unique coaching method to master the magic I’ve been talking about in this series (plus experience deep and timely emotional healing)? Here's where you can find out more about my method.