Divorce: Embracing Changes

The image that inspired this blog post. It's from the Abraham-Hicks Perpetual Flip Calendar,  available here . With a beautiful image and quote for every day of the year. However, not all of the quotes will make sense, if you're not familiar with Esther Hicks' concepts.

The image that inspired this blog post. It's from the Abraham-Hicks Perpetual Flip Calendar, available here. With a beautiful image and quote for every day of the year. However, not all of the quotes will make sense, if you're not familiar with Esther Hicks' concepts.

“It is not possible to stand still, or be stuck, because Energy, and therefore life, is always in motion.

“Things are always changing. But the reason it may feel to you as if you are stuck is because while you are continuing to think the same thoughts, things are changing — but they are changing to the same thing, over and over.

“If you want things to change to different things, you must think different thoughts. And that simply requires finding unfamiliar ways of approaching familiar subjects.” — Esther Hicks

Wow. This is one of the most clear and concise descriptions of law of attraction as it impacts healing from divorce (or anything else).

Change how you look at things, and the things you look at change. Click here for a recent post of mine with a beautiful visual representation of how this works.

But is it that easy? It’s like when someone is tired of you whining about your divorce and says, “Just snap out of it!”

Law of Attraction Divorce Edition

Author (and Abraham-channeller) Esther Hicks says, “find unfamiliar ways of approaching familiar subjects.” She also likes to talk about constantly “beating the drum” of what you don’t want, and being surprised when you keep getting that thing you don’t want, or when everything keeps getting worse no matter what you do.

It’s actually not that things are getting worse no matter what you do. They’re getting worse because of what you’re doing . . . and not doing.

Allowing your mind to stay in dangerous places (despair, jealousy, revenge, blaming yourself) creates a fertile breeding ground for these self-destructive emotions and helps them to gain strength. And, all of this pain and negativity clouds your vision and makes it virtually impossible for you to take the actions that will help you grasp the hand of hope, see the beauty even in the midst of sadness, and feel a little bit better each day.

So, yes, I said that you’re allowing your mind to stay in dangerous places. But you certainly don’t feel like your “allowing” anything. Your emotions right now may be so strong that you feel you have no control over them.

<< Check out this blog and video for some solutions when your emotions won’t give you any peace. You’ll see one of the many techniques I offer that interrupt these excruciating thoughts and emotions — just for a moment — so you can disconnect the agony, interrupt its hold on you, and then have the choice to say no to it. >>

Once you can interrupt this relentless inner machine of trying to figure out what went wrong, how you can get him back, what he’s doing now, what will happen to the kids, how you’ll survive . . . the law of attraction part is: What thoughts and emotions will you put in place of what you have been thinking and feeling?

Your Thoughts = What You Get

Your thoughts train your mind, body, and emotions. They program you for what you believe and what to expect from life.

This is so important because you get to choose these thoughts. They should be intentional and not coming from the deepest place of your internal agony.

These should be affirmations about what you want and what you decide you will have, not about what you don’t want and the victimization that you’re feeling.

What you are thinking hundreds of times a day is what you will keep seeing in your life and what you will continue to attract more of. It’s so simple.

And, if you don’t believe it, just try it.

Try This:

Say “Cancel!” every time you find yourself on the hamster wheel of destructive thoughts — the ones that make you feel terrible, scared, weak, and small every time you think them. Just notice how many times a day you have to say “Cancel!”

Now, imagine that you started replacing those thoughts with something else. Something that makes you feel good. Something easy to remember to say.

“I am a good and worthy person.”

“I deserve happiness, and happiness is coming to me.”

Make it something that purposefully counteracts the worst of the constantly cycling thoughts in your head.

The Secret Sauce:

I know that this is not a complex technique. You don’t have to read a big book in order to use it and benefit from it. But it’s very powerful, if you use it consistently.

Being consistent is the only key. As humans, we like novelty. We get bored with staying consistent with simple techniques like this, which are so powerful if used and used and used. They become more powerful the more you use them.

But try it for seven days, and tell me what happens. Be consistent. By sticking with this one, small, magical practice, you are teaching yourself that you can count on you to be on your own side (and not think thoughts that make your life darker and weaker).

Know that you are a loving and lovable woman who does not deserve to torment herself when outside forces are already hurting you. You are the one person you can count on 100% to love and give emotional support to yourself, if you will only love the precious woman you are.

And, of course, I am here for you too. All you have to do is reach out. 🌸


Life After Divorce: Law of attraction magic 5 steps

iintentional magic.jpg

After divorce, we can want life to get better so much that we squeeze all the life out of our desire by trying to hold things together so tightly.

We worry about our lives constantly, wondering when we'll feel better, wondering when this mess will fall into place, and secretly fearing what will happen if we never get our lives back and feel whole again.

Women tend to panic about whether life will ever be good again, and tend to feel that everything is outside our control.

But, a big part of feeling better is in thinking about what we desire, what we want, rather than focusing obsessively on the current situation, or on what we fear.

We don't dare to allow ourselves to ask this question:  What would my life feel like if I had my dream -- my life as I want it to be.

We feel it's dangerous to stop worrying.  It seems irresponsible to believe in possibilities rather than shutting ourselves down with all the reasons why not.  It can be difficult to identify the calm and easy steps that will get us closer to having our desires come true. 

It seems too scary.  We're afraid to let ourselves imagine the happiness of living the dream.  We've been disappointed so many times before, and the fall from hope to disappointment hurts so much.

But.  It's almost impossible to get to the dream without first fantasizing about what it will be like to be there.  Feeling the happiness in advance is what sets the stage to have what you want.

This is a big topic, and that's why so many books have been written on the subjects of manifesting, attracting love, attracting abundance, attracting the job of your dreams . . . .  For today, here are some simple steps to move you into the zone where magic can happen.

Step #1:  Stop listening to negative things from the media or from the naysayers in your life, and stop focusing on what you don't want.  

Are you tending to see and hear all kinds of bad news about how hard it is to start over after divorce?  Are friends and family reacting to your situation with pity instead of positivity?  Do you become more apprehensive about your new life the more research you do?  When you allow yourself to pay attention to the sensationalistic "bad news" you might find that you feel worse, and things start going from bad to worse.  I call this bad magic.

What you focus on is what keeps appearing.  It's like when you decide you want to buy a red car.  Suddenly, you're surprised to start seeing red cars everywhere.

So, stop paying attention to news and videos and conversations about what you don't want.  Bad news is not the total reality of the situation.  It's just a version of reality that you don't want.  By refusing to pay attention to it, you're telling it to go away.  

Step #2:  Focus on what you want and not on the impediments in the way.

Once you've had a conversation with yourself, explaining to yourself why you're not inviting bad magic into your life anymore, you've cleared out some space to start noticing examples of what you want.

So, start noticing little things that are going well, or that support your dream of how you want your life to be.  Notice stories that you see on Facebook about women who are similar to you who are achieving what they want.  How did they do it?  Was it more of a "doing" or an "undoing" -- or a combination of both?

Notice little kindnesses that happen to you -- even a smile that someone gives to you.  Keep reviewing in your mind the pleasant things that happen instead of rehashing the things that are bothering you or wearing you down.

Step #3:  Build your magic power by starting to manifest easy, small things.

Think of some little things that would please you:  Maybe you're in the mood for a coffee drink.  Just mentally throw it out there as something nice to have, and then release it.  Don't try to "make it happen." I manifest free coffee (free, fancy coffee drinks) all the time.

Or, here's one that everyone knows about:  Manifest a parking space.  Five minutes before you get to your destination, just think of how nice it would be to find a parking space right in front of the place you're going to.  Then, let it go.

The important point here is to just wish, feel the good feeling of having that little thing happen, and then release it, relax, and forget it.  This is the thing you want to practice.  No obsessing over it.  No working hard to make it happen.  No worrying it to death:  "Is it there yet?  Is it there yet?  No?  See, I knew I couldn't do this!"

Step #4:  Learn the difference between "needing" something and "desiring" something.

Desiring and daydreaming work to bring you closer to the life you want.  Fear, panic, and "needing" don't.  Desperation hardly ever works.

This is why manifesting a parking space is so easy to do -- but, much harder to do if you're running late and you absolutely have to have that parking space.

Wishes are easier to manifest than things that you frame as dire needs.  Start practicing with "Wouldn't it be nice if . . ." and see how easy it is to attract these little things.  Start thinking about something you'd like to have appear in your path, and you'll be surprised to start experiencing people bringing these things to you unexpectedly.  Or, an inspiration or opportunity will appear that leads you on the next step or steps to a bigger magical goal, such as a job, or a relationship, or the best course of action to improve your health.

Step #5:  How about looking at a bigger desire as just as easy to manifest as the free coffee drink?

After you've been practicing the attraction of little pleasures for a while, you'll gain confidence to try the same thing on a little bit bigger scale.  The trick is to approach it the same way:  You don't "need" it; you desire it.  You don't strangle it; you invite it.  You say, "Wouldn't it be fun if . . .," even if what you want to attract is important in your life and is a serious matter.

Enough for now!  Try these steps and see what happens.  I would love it if you let me know in the comments below.  

Interested in reading Part 2 of this magic series? Click here.