What the science of smiling has to do with divorce healing

One thing that many of my coaching clients have in common is a history of chronic lack.

They feel they’ve somehow lacked the ability to attract into their lives the kind of respect, attention, and adoration that they've craved. 

There's often lifelong financial lack as well.

These feelings often stretch all the way back to childhood.

Very often, my women find it difficult to believe they’re worthy of being treated  well.  They have a history of living with comments like, "Who do you think you are?" when asking for just the basics of respect from the men in their lives.

For the majority of my clients, being cherished by a man has been nothing more than a dream. They’ve never been able to have it for themselves — but they’ve had to stand on the sidelines and watch as other women get the “good ones.”

What does moving on after divorce have to do with smiling?  More than you might think.

We attract who we “are” — or who we convince ourselves that we are

My clients often start out as fans of my Facebook page, so I see their profile pictures when they comment and engage with my posts. Often, we also become Facebook friends, so I have a chance to see their posts in daily life.

And I notice how some of these fans present themselves. Grim, sad, cynical. Photos in which they don’t smile. Posts in which they present the absolute worst of themselves to the world.

These are usually the same women who message me, wondering why they’re alone. Wondering if it’s just because men can’t handle a woman with a mind of her own.

But, a big part of what it really is: They frighten people away by leading with a tough, rough exterior. Or a sad, beaten exterior. They’re only trying to protect themselves, but they’re helping to make their worst nightmare come true.

Experience the hidden power of smiling

Your mood and manner set the tone for your life more than you’d ever think. The science of smiling (more on that below) even convinces ourselves of whether we’re happy or sad, angry or content.

I have my clients start acting as if they already are the kind of woman who deserves the best treatment from everyone. 

One of the gifts of divorce is that you've just eliminated the person who, in many cases, has treated you the worst and has been in your life every day, making you feel less and less worthy.

You’re now at the beginning of a process to rebuild your self-confidence and sense of yourself as a desirable and valuable woman and human being.

The only person who now has the power to hold you down is you.

There are many parts to this healing process, but I’d like to share with you one powerful technique to try. You’ll feel its power in just minutes.

Let's use a simple smile to feel capable, powerful, and ready to change the world to move the way you want it to.

Your smile says "yes" to everything you want

Today's experiment is simple.  Invite goodness into your life by welcoming it with a warm and beautiful smile.

Everywhere you go, look straight ahead (not down at the ground), make eye contact with people, and smile.  Practice holding eye contact for a full second (count "one-one-thousand").  If you're an introvert, or even a not very me-me-me-centered extravert, this may feel strange.  And that's the reason to practice it!

You'll come across to other good people as approachable, positive, attractive (attract+ive), and you'll feel that way, too. 

Notice and make notes on all the good things that you attract as you use your new superpower.

You'll connect with others in all kinds of fun ways.  People will return your smile, and you'll feel a little happier with each smile.  You'll experience little kindnesses throughout the day. You'll find yourself starting up more conversations, with new exchanges, new experiences, and new opportunities as a result.  (See the illustration at the top of this post for the continuous positive circle of smile power!)

The science of smiling

Want to know more about all the great things you receive for free when you smile?  You know I love TED talks, and here's one of the top ten most popular of all time, by entrepreneur Ron Gutman on the hidden power of smiling.

This is a must-watch, and less than eight minutes, so please watch, okay? (You’ll learn how smiling can make you happier, healthier . . . and how a smile is more powerful than mood elevators like chocolate and money.)

As always, I would love to hear your results from my little smile experiment! And I always reply to comments : ) .