There's still time to make big shifts in 2014. Here's how:

It's September, a time when many people give up on getting accomplished those life changes we hoped to set in motion at the beginning of the year. 

Pretty soon, it's the big wind-down (or mad dash, depending on how you see it) through the holiday season, and then the let-down of another year behind us. 

And, hmmm, are you stuck in the same place you were last year?  Or -- gasp -- has it gotten even worse?

Get some key life goals off your to-do list before harvest season! 
It's much much easier than you may think.  Baby steps.  Here's my suggestion for accomplishing something personally meaningful with what's left of the year:  Just focus on setting your infrastructure in place for 2015.

Let me give you a quick idea of how I did this (and am still putting on the final touches) in 2014.

It all started with a new virtual learning program that I rolled out at the end of 2013.  I'll be offering it again, soon, but here's the incredible offer that I made for the program last year in the last two days before Christmas.

The program is called 5 Surprising Cures for the Holiday Blues, and one of the cures involves using the holiday season to create a blueprint for your new life as you want to live it in the new year.

I had developed my program based on my own experiences in recovering from a terrible betrayal and healing from the total destruction of my life as I had known it.  Although my life was back on track, and I was happy again, I ended up loving my new blues-busting program so much that, just for fun, I decided to work my own program, step by step, during the holiday season.

The results have been amazing.
I created a theme for my year:  Most gain for least pain.  With that theme in mind, I kept testing ways to improve my life in five key areas important to me:  money, diet, exercise, leisure, and love.  Various practices and techniques received test periods of at least 28 days, and I assessed the results after each experiment.

The assessment for every practice or technique I tried?  Simple:
1.  How much work did it take?
2.  What results did I get?

So far:  Best year ever.  Here are a few of the things I'll have to look back on with pride from 2014:
  • Not only did I lose 15 pounds, but I documented exactly what worked for me best.  And the modified form of this diet -- my maintenance diet -- is completely livable and enjoyable for the long term.
  • My "new normal" diet feels great and I have lots of energy.
  • I've come up with the bedtime and sleep schedule that's the best compromise between my natural night-owl proclivities and my optimum productivity.
  • I've tested numerous techniques to look and feel ten years younger -- and, once again, I've documented what works.  I look terrific, which helps me feel incredible, too.
  • I'm holding myself accountable for getting at least two hours of leisure per day (that means leisure that is restorative and fun for me, not just watching what someone else wants to watch on tv).
  • I'm keeping my work week pretty close to 40 hours (rather than 60-80 hours per week) for the first time in years.
  • In the friendship and love arena, I feel more supported than ever, and although I'm still holding out for someone really special (settling just isn't fun), I have no lack of men in my life.
  • And the year's not over yet!
Spend the rest of 2014 finding out what works for you.
The key to all of this is that my life hacks are unique to me.  It's all about setting up an experiment in any given area of your life, trying a new technique, and assessing how it worked (or didn't).  I've been inspired by diets, exercise programs, and a host of techniques that others have developed, but the personal tweaking is the big secret.

You still have four months left in 2014!  Start experimenting so you'll have a great plan for how to achieve the goals most dear to you in 2015.
  1. Define four or five broad areas in which you'd like to see improvement or change  (eliciting help from your kids around the house, strengthening key friendships, improving the quality of your leisure time, finding ways to indulge yourself and feel more beautiful) -- just the process of coming up with your list can be very revealing.
  2. Look at each area, and see if you can spend 10 minutes a day exploring a way to improve that part of your life.  Start with one area and one experiment.  What can you do that will be easy, but has the potential to give you the biggest reward.
  3. Conduct your experiment for 7 days, 2 weeks, 28 days . . . and reassess.
  4. Write down your findings.  This is super-important.  You want to be able to remember, in January, what worked, and what didn't, as you put together your game plan for 2015.

And, if you'd like a little help, I'm always here.

It's summertime again: Forget about dating, and just make new friends : )


When May arrives each year, if there's no one super-special in my life, I can start feeling lonely and disconnected, wanting someone really fun to date for the all-too-short warm-weather months.

So, at about that time, I start paying attention to my online dating site again.  I start taking a look at the available guys, trying to determine which ones aren't quite as old and decrepit as the others, not too deadly dull, and of those, which are not sooo disastrously focused on women much much younger than they.

Heading off the summertime blues
Last year, I wasted the better part of a year going against my own advice -- giving try after try to someone whom I felt was the best of what was available.  And, it wasn't a bad summer.  Fall not so great.  Winter even worse.   

He told me, on one of the first dates, that he had zero emotional intelligence.  I wasn't sure what that meant, but I came to find out. And I was immediately much happier without him. 

When May arrived this year, I, once again, did check in with the dating site, and I did go on a couple of go-see coffee dates.  Meh to the 9s.  (Or, hell to the no!)

I began to consider my motives.  What did I want from this?

Well, shallow as it sounds, I really just wanted to meet someone nice whose eyes sparkled at the sight of me.  I wanted to dine outdoors in balmy weather, and get dressed up for someone who would appreciate it.  I wanted to laugh, drink some wine, share stories both silly and sad.  Go on long walks.  See new things together.  Stuff like that.

It finally occurred to me:  I don't need a man for those things.  I need girlfriends!

This is a job for girlfriends
If you've been reading this blog from the early posts, you know that it started as a 40+ single girl's guide to navigating the weekends solo.  That's because, post-divorce, all of my girlfriends were happily married or in relationships.  They were busy on the weekends, and I would have felt out of place being a third wheel or hanging out with their families.

I had a few things to sort out for myself anyway.  So I spent a couple of somewhat lonely summers
getting comfortable with my own company.

But now, it's different.  And I need to take the same advice that I give my Dynamic Divorcee coaching clients.  It's pretty easy to make new friends and get closer with old ones:  We single ladies just have to make the first move, and make it a few times in a row.

Schedule weeknight dinners for some one-on-one time with girlfriends who are married.  Saturday night out with a couple of lifelong friends who are now single, too.  And sometimes, even a night out with a married couple.

So far, this summer, I've had a lot of fun, and hardly noticed that I'm unattached.  (Well, actually, I'm not completely unattached.  But there's no one in my life right now who has my undivided attention, and certainly no one in town who is anywhere near as much fun as my friends.)


All it takes is a text or a phone call
A couple of my Dynamic Divorcee clients are a little chagrined that it takes so much effort to engineer these social events.  That is, that we are the ones who have to do the calling and occasion-making.  But is that so bad?  How much effort is that, really?

Much less effort than going on boring coffee dates, and even more boring and disappointing second dates, while feeling like maybe you should really try to make this lackluster thing work.  More fun to get dressed up for friends who appreciate it rather than to be looking pretty for a guy who shows up in a t-shirt and shorts.

Yes, for a while, you may have to be the one who calls a certain friend (or someone you would like to have as a friend) over and over.  She's not calling you, and you're the one making the effort.  But, after a few rounds of this, you can ask:  How about you call me next time?

It's good practice to be proactive and go for what you want -- even in friendship.

Give it a try:
1.  Make a short list of some people who make you feel good.  People you'd like to see more of.  These should be people who are upbeat, positive, and encourage you.  People who think you're great.
2.  This week, contact at least three of them.  Suggest a get-together:  Coffee, a drink, lunch, something that doesn't take a huge time-commitment.
3.  Schedule it.
4.  See how you feel after your date. You had fun, didn't you?  Way more fun than responding to messages on OK Cupid.
5.  Repeat.  I have a list of my favorite people in my city whom I may not get to see often.  My goal is to engineer a chance to see each one at least four times a year.
6.  Enlarge your list of friends/potential friends.  Notice when you meet someone in the course of your life whom you'd like to know better.  Then, start with step 2.

Have fun with the rest of the summer!  And let me know how it goes : )

Prepare to Be Loved: how to receive the kind of love you always wanted . . . and always missed

Hi, readers!  It's been awhile because I've been so busy coaching and haven't had time to write.

Except for this guest blog post for Divorced Girl Smiling.  In it, you'll find some secrets about why you may not have been loved the way you've always dreamed of.

And, I'll be sharing more secrets and how-tos if you join my elist here (which is the way I've been keeping in touch with my tribe lately).

Want to finally find the kind of love that has eluded you so far?  Prepare to Be Loved teaches you, step-by-step, how to make the kind of easy, but important changes that allow love to come to you.  How to do much less and receive much more.

As part of the process, you'll create a new vision for yourself that will become your personal, new "brand" that will attract to you the new life you desire.  You'll immediately see changes in the way people treat you (in all areas of your life).

This program was created to share all of the strategies I created for myself on the way to recovering the person I always meant to be (but lost track of during my marriage).  You'll receive all the techniques that I used to completely re-create my life as I dreamed it could be.  Including attracting love that nurtures and supports you, rather than weakening and depleting you.

Here's what one of my Prepare to Be Loved coaching clients has to say:  "After talking with you I felt the best I have in a long time and was full of energy. I lately have had a really hard time getting up in the morning..... Not today! I feel great and ready to live my new brand!!!! Thank you! "

Interested in learning more?  Allow me to share with you by signing up here.