How do you find a way to create a good happily-ever-after story for yourself when everything you thought you knew about life is crashing all around you during, and even years after, your divorce?
One of the unique things I’m known for in my coaching practice is reading tarot cards for clients when they reach a plateau in the amazing transformations we’ve created together, and they get a little tired. I’ve gotten them through the worst of it, and they’re thinking, “Maybe it’s enough. I’m doing okay — much better than I thought I’d be. Maybe it’s good enough.”
But life has so much more to offer. Sometimes it’s time for me to bring excitement about taking the next step of the way.
I love to move from talking to exploring the senses as a way to bring in something fresh and “wow”, so tarot is just one of those comforting ways of resting while planning what’s next (although you might not think so by looking at the card to the left).
The cards can be a mirror to see that the drama in what you think is happening isn’t always the reality. It doesn’t have to be that dark. And, surprisingly often, you get to choose how events actually play out.
As Wayne Dyer used to say, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
It’s pretty magical. Let’s look at a particularly scary tarot card, and see how various artists have chosen to interpret it — with different results in what you’d feel and experience if this card came up in a reading for you.
Just as every day, you create your life, tarot artists each create their own unique vision of the 78 cards of the tarot, opening up the meaning of the cards in the process.
Tarot Tower Card
At the top of this post is, arguably, the most famous representation of the Tower card. Two people are leaping out of a burning tower, trying to save themselves. The crown, the place of importance that you gave to your marriage is blown off and it’s beyond saving — right now, you question whether you yourself will even survive.
But, what if you thought about it the way the artist depicted the same card, to the left.
Still not a cheery image, as you walk away from a bleak castle, in the remnants of your wedding dress. But, you have your dignity, your chin is held high, and you’re walking away from the wind and the rain.
It changes things, doesn’t it?
Or . . . what about taking the human element out of the equation entirely?
The next image, below, shows the tower struck by lightning and destroyed, but no humans were harmed in the making of this tarot card. And, there’s even a path that leads away from the disaster.
The path is narrow, but it’s sturdy : ) . We can’t sugar-coat what you’re going through, and I would never try to do that. This is still a devastating image.
But. In this picture, there’s a way out.
It’s possible to look at what’s going down as a truly sad natural disaster, and not something that someone did to someone else. There’s a time to be ready to try out that way of looking at things. And it’s only one of many ways of making sense of what’s happened.
In the midst of divorce, or in the grieving process afterwards, a huge part of the pain is in the sheer loss of control. Not knowing what will happen next.
The game can keep changing, and the terms can keep changing. You think the terms of the divorce are set, and then he renegs and decides you deserve nothing. You think you’re over him and then you find out he’s engaged. The plot twists can be endless.
Happiness After Divorce: Darkness Into Light
Look at this surprising take on the dark, gothic images that we’ve already seen.
This artist chose to turn the Tower card into a lighthouse. I love this so much.
The lightning is still flashing, but the Tower stays whole, and shines with a beautiful internal light. Is it a star? Is it a sun? Is it your beautiful spirit and soul? Is it your own rebirth? You get to choose.
The storm may morph into a hurricane. Your ex may keep bringing the temper-tantrums, and chaos may be swirling around you. Yet you remain safe and protected.
The marriage may be over, but you have the choice to be the lighthouse. Your inner light can become even brighter, never dimming despite the challenges that you’re going through. (Helping to ensure this is possible is a big part of my life’s mission in working with divorcees.)
Let’s look at a couple of other ways artists have imagined the Tower.
Look at this one. This card is from one of the most unique decks I’ve seen (and, to my knowledge, it’s no longer in print).
Yes, it’s a Catholic tarot deck (shhhh, don’t let the Pope know).
We still have the lightning strike, and a man leaping from the tower (your ex, perhaps?). But, St. Barbara carries the tower (and you) to safety.
If anyone could keep you safe during this time of life, I bet on the miracle-working St. Barbara. Or, think of her as your guardian angel.
Sometimes, it’s easy to forget about prayer in times like these, when you think no one up there is paying any attention. If you believe in a higher power, don’t forget about Him or Her.
Here’s the Tower from a new deck, Everyday Tarot, by Brigit Esselmont and Eleanor Grosch.
I love how all the traditional elements of the Tower card are in place, but the woman is peacefully falling, as if in a dream. She’s not worried at all. In fact, she’s floating through it as if supported by unseen hands.
I also love the purple and gold color scheme of this deck. Purple for victory and gold for abundance.
And, I also love the size and price of this deck. Small enough to easily carry in your purse, and under $12 on Amazon right now.
I don’t know whether you’re interested in getting a tarot deck of your own, but if you are, I link to it at the end of this post.
What if you want your own divorce healing tarot reading from me? I would be happy to!
Are you interested in having me read for you, using my 7-Card Divorce Healing Spread? Here’s a quick video with more information on that:
And here are some links to a few decks that I love, including the Everyday Tarot deck and book by Brigit Esselmont, whose podcast and books are amazing.