Your divorce is final, and friends are asking what they can do for you, and how they can help.
Or, you’re throwing a divorce party, but you’re still feeling a little stunned about how your life is changing. You know that friends will want to bring gifts, but you’re in a fog about what to ask for.
Or . . . (the scenario for so many women), you feel totally ignored, left out, and not sure who is truly your friend anymore.
While polling my divorcée community about which post-divorce gifts were or would have been most meaningful to them, I searched for divorce gift registries, and found only a couple of scammy sites that were fronting lawyer referral services. But I also found . . .
Crowdfunding divorce expenses is a thing
So, before I get on with what my dynamic divorcées suggested as amazing divorce gifts, check out Plumfund. It’s the only crowdfunding site I’ve found that specifically has a divorce funding category. If I were looking for assistance in funding the expenses of my divorce, or post-divorce expenses (such as necessary household items, or one big purchase), I’d definitely go with Plumfund because the category is already there, which makes crowdfunding divorce expenses seem like a normal thing to do.
There’s also GoFundMe and other similar sites, but without the specific divorce category, posting a fundraising page seems a little more desperate in tone, more like begging, and probably better done on your behalf by a friend.
But, I love that crowdfunding for divorce is becoming more of a thing — making it possible for women in abusive relationships to get out when the expense would ordinarily keep them stuck in the marriage for years. And, even if you’re not in dire need, creating a space for family and friends to be supportive and help in tangible ways.
Divorce gifts: What to ask for
Not to my surprise most of my dynamic divorcées said that one-on-one time with a dear friend would be the most precious gift, no matter what the activity.
But, most often mentioned by far was a spa date or massage. That surprised me a little bit because while massage is a nice luxury, it’s expensive and the effects don’t tend to last (at least for me) more than an hour or so after the treatment. It’s so great to learn what other women are into.
So many women said massage that I didn’t individually list them all below, but massage definitely won as #1 most coveted gift.
Here’s what they said, and you can check out the original facebook post and comments here:
Self care gifts: a manicure, bath stuff, meditation app.
Thoughtful card, fridge magnets with inspiring or funny words.
Spa gift card! Or a mani-pedi gift card!
Spa day with the giver.
Gift of a house cleaning service or something of the like — maybe even a dinner on a weeknight.
Fun, divorce-inspired t-shirt.
Little painting of a happy place or time — or one that will suggest a journey to a happy new life.
Picture of the friend in happier times to remind her that she’s going to be ok. And so she can shoot to become that person again.
Tea-time out. Just take her out for tea and listen without judgment.
Something pretty that she likes and her spouse would never have gotten her.
A lovely meal out — and flowers! Flowers are something she might not buy for herself, but bring so much happiness.
Make an Amazon divorce wishlist
Do you feel shy to ask for time or a gift if no one has offered? Why not create a public (shareable) wishlist on Amazon and post it on your Facebook page, saying, “For those of you who have asked,” even if no one has actually asked.
It’s a great little exercise in teaching people how you’d like to be treated, and in learning to reach out.
Does that seem a little too pushy to you, at this moment?
How about posting that you’d love to have coffee and a little one-on-one time and tagging some of your favorite friends?
But what if no one says yes? There’s lots of help right here on the Divorce Blog.
Don’t have the right friends in your life? Make some new ones:
Check out this post about making new women friends online (sort of like dating websites, but for friends instead).
How about meeting some of your favorite Facebook friends in person? Check out how one woman did this.
And, basic steps on how to reconnect with old friends by making the first move — several times — (geared for summertime, but will work in any season). The secret is not to give up after the first try.
Enlarging your social circle and bringing some new life into your tribe is something that almost every one of my coaching clients has had to navigate. It’s a good thing — it’s a sign of growing and bringing fun new people into your world.
Did you try any of these suggestions?
Comment below,and please let me know how it went. I want to hear from you!
P.S. When I saw one of my dynamic divorcée’s new divorce-themed t-shirt, I couldn’t resist sharing these . . .