I've been thinking about you a lot these days. I've been wondering what I can do to let you know that there are people who understand.
Because I know it sounds hollow for a total stranger to say, "I love you." You might say, "But you don't even know me." You might say, "I'm not even that lovable. In fact, if I'm so damned lovable, then why am I even in this situation? Why did I have to take so much, for so many years, just to try to be loved?"
But that's why I'm writing you this letter. Because I do know. I do know the part of you that is soooo tired, and has been trying so long, for such a long time. The part that feels like it's been trying so hard, for a whole lifetime, to measure up, to receive just a little praise, to feel like you got it right once in a while.
To feel like you are the first choice. The first one picked. Not the runner up.
You're still waking up on the middle of the night. You're still scared stiff when you look ahead and try to figure out what's worth living for now. You wake up each morning and truly have no clue why you should get out of bed. Except that you have to.
It's just so lonely.
I know that you might be at the point where no one wants to listen to you anymore. And, actually, you don't blame them. They're tired of hearing the same things over and over.
You're tired of thinking and feeling the same things over and over. What he did. What he's doing. Who he's doing it with. How you're being left out to dry with practically nothing. Or, at least it feels that way.
All of the above has happened to me. All of the above has happened to every woman I've worked with.
That's why I want you to believe me when I give you a big hug that I hope you can actually feel over there, right where you are . . . and . . . promise you that you can 100% definitely be at a little bit better place within hours. And be in an even better place within days. And be in an EVEN EVEN better place in a week . . . and then two weeks . . . and then a month.
You are not in a bottomless, endless pit of grief that you can't do anything about. I don't care what you read on the internet, or what others have told you.
Yes, I have read those things, too. This pervasive "truth" that it has to take years to get over your divorce, and that you just have to slog through all of the "stages of grief" really makes me steamed. Who would want to get up in the morning if you think that this is what life has in store for you?
My message for you today is, please, stop believing that your life is toast. Cross that out every time you think of it. This is poison, and haven't you been through enough already? Be your own best friend in this moment and tell yourself that you are no longer going to torture yourself. You may still have to put up with him, to an extent, but you're not going to do this to yourself.
Delete those thoughts the way you would delete a mistake when you type. Highlight (identify the bad thought), delete, and replace it with something hopeful. If you read some of my material on The Dynamic Divorcee and believe in me, just tell yourself "Rosetta says my life is going to be awesome."
I have a lot more blog posts to help you, daily posts on my Facebook page, and sometimes, there are even chances to talk with me one-on-one for free. Yes, you can even get access to me, personally. I am really here for you!
This is not just an impersonal "love 'ya, babe" love letter. But, I want to close it in a little bit of a tough love way. You're going to get to a point, somewhere along the line, where it's no longer acceptable to you to feel this terrible every single day.
You're going to be ready to start getting on with it. You're going to be ready to hear the message that you are a beautiful, unique, incredible woman and human being. That everything you've gone through in your marriage and divorce was put there to teach you about your magnificence.
Maybe that day is today. You can do it. I am really here for you. And, if you look around, you can open up to signs of love and support everywhere you go. Is the sun shining on your beautiful face? Does the air smell fresh today? Is there a cup of coffee that feels so good in your hand? Did someone smile at you today? (Power tip: If you want to see smiles, give one yourself. Just say to yourself, "I'll start.")
Start small. Keep mentally deleting the can't-do-nothing-about-it bad thoughts. And know that I really am with you.