Divorce: Embracing Changes

The image that inspired this blog post. It's from the Abraham-Hicks Perpetual Flip Calendar,  available here . With a beautiful image and quote for every day of the year. However, not all of the quotes will make sense, if you're not familiar with Esther Hicks' concepts.

The image that inspired this blog post. It's from the Abraham-Hicks Perpetual Flip Calendar, available here. With a beautiful image and quote for every day of the year. However, not all of the quotes will make sense, if you're not familiar with Esther Hicks' concepts.

“It is not possible to stand still, or be stuck, because Energy, and therefore life, is always in motion.

“Things are always changing. But the reason it may feel to you as if you are stuck is because while you are continuing to think the same thoughts, things are changing — but they are changing to the same thing, over and over.

“If you want things to change to different things, you must think different thoughts. And that simply requires finding unfamiliar ways of approaching familiar subjects.” — Esther Hicks

Wow. This is one of the most clear and concise descriptions of law of attraction as it impacts healing from divorce (or anything else).

Change how you look at things, and the things you look at change. Click here for a recent post of mine with a beautiful visual representation of how this works.

But is it that easy? It’s like when someone is tired of you whining about your divorce and says, “Just snap out of it!”

Law of Attraction Divorce Edition

Author (and Abraham-channeller) Esther Hicks says, “find unfamiliar ways of approaching familiar subjects.” She also likes to talk about constantly “beating the drum” of what you don’t want, and being surprised when you keep getting that thing you don’t want, or when everything keeps getting worse no matter what you do.

It’s actually not that things are getting worse no matter what you do. They’re getting worse because of what you’re doing . . . and not doing.

Allowing your mind to stay in dangerous places (despair, jealousy, revenge, blaming yourself) creates a fertile breeding ground for these self-destructive emotions and helps them to gain strength. And, all of this pain and negativity clouds your vision and makes it virtually impossible for you to take the actions that will help you grasp the hand of hope, see the beauty even in the midst of sadness, and feel a little bit better each day.

So, yes, I said that you’re allowing your mind to stay in dangerous places. But you certainly don’t feel like your “allowing” anything. Your emotions right now may be so strong that you feel you have no control over them.

<< Check out this blog and video for some solutions when your emotions won’t give you any peace. You’ll see one of the many techniques I offer that interrupt these excruciating thoughts and emotions — just for a moment — so you can disconnect the agony, interrupt its hold on you, and then have the choice to say no to it. >>

Once you can interrupt this relentless inner machine of trying to figure out what went wrong, how you can get him back, what he’s doing now, what will happen to the kids, how you’ll survive . . . the law of attraction part is: What thoughts and emotions will you put in place of what you have been thinking and feeling?

Your Thoughts = What You Get

Your thoughts train your mind, body, and emotions. They program you for what you believe and what to expect from life.

This is so important because you get to choose these thoughts. They should be intentional and not coming from the deepest place of your internal agony.

These should be affirmations about what you want and what you decide you will have, not about what you don’t want and the victimization that you’re feeling.

What you are thinking hundreds of times a day is what you will keep seeing in your life and what you will continue to attract more of. It’s so simple.

And, if you don’t believe it, just try it.

Try This:

Say “Cancel!” every time you find yourself on the hamster wheel of destructive thoughts — the ones that make you feel terrible, scared, weak, and small every time you think them. Just notice how many times a day you have to say “Cancel!”

Now, imagine that you started replacing those thoughts with something else. Something that makes you feel good. Something easy to remember to say.

“I am a good and worthy person.”

“I deserve happiness, and happiness is coming to me.”

Make it something that purposefully counteracts the worst of the constantly cycling thoughts in your head.

The Secret Sauce:

I know that this is not a complex technique. You don’t have to read a big book in order to use it and benefit from it. But it’s very powerful, if you use it consistently.

Being consistent is the only key. As humans, we like novelty. We get bored with staying consistent with simple techniques like this, which are so powerful if used and used and used. They become more powerful the more you use them.

But try it for seven days, and tell me what happens. Be consistent. By sticking with this one, small, magical practice, you are teaching yourself that you can count on you to be on your own side (and not think thoughts that make your life darker and weaker).

Know that you are a loving and lovable woman who does not deserve to torment herself when outside forces are already hurting you. You are the one person you can count on 100% to love and give emotional support to yourself, if you will only love the precious woman you are.

And, of course, I am here for you too. All you have to do is reach out. 🌸


Post-Divorce Self-Help Books, and . . . Books for the Bar

Author Dawn Powell, 1914
I'm a great lover of cocktail culture, but it just doesn't feel right to hit my favorite craft cocktail bars alone on the weekends.

However . . . opening time, at around 5:30pm on a Saturday can be great.  No one's there, no one is coveting your seat at the bar, and it's a great time to crack open a book and enjoy a creative libation.

But there is a quandary here:  I want to recommend two of the books that helped me most in getting through my divorce and post-divorce trauma with one mini-tragedy after another, but do you really want to take a self-help book into a bar?

I self-helped myself like crazy, reading literally dozens of pop-psych books on depression, anxiety, stress, divorce, co-dependency, positive thinking, midlife dating, and more.  But I don't want you to have to read through all of those thousands of pages.

In particular, the midlife dating guides were worst.  The conventional wisdom:  Get cracking, sister.  You'll have to claw like a tiger and be ready to serve your man like never before just to get a sub-par guy to pay attention to you.  Because, sorry, at midlife, available single women are the cream of the crop, while their single male counterparts are the maladjusted, misanthropic leftovers.  And, we have to fight over them . . . or spend the rest of our lives alone.  Don't read these books, ladies!

Here are my top two woo-woo must-reads:

Ask and It is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks
I Need Your Love:  Is that True? by Byron Katie

Both of these books will put your mind in a better place, without dozens of complex steps or mind-bending concepts to internalize.  Both are straight-forward, clear, and you'll have your aha moment inside of an hour.

But . . . do you want to be seen reading the aforementioned woo-woo in public?  Hmmm, probably not.

So, let me recommend the following tales of women who made their own choices in life, and wouldn't be afraid to have a cocktail on their own:
The Red Leather Diary by Lily Koppel
Auntie Mame by Patrick Dennis
The Women by T.C. Boyle
Unsuitable for Ladies: An Anthology of Women Travellers by Jane Robinson

In the spirit of the cocktail's heyday, I also recommend any novel by Dawn Powell,but especially my favorite, Angels on Toast.  Here's a wonderful salon.com encomium about Powell, "How Dawn Powell can save your life," from 1999.  And, find her Wikipedia bio here.  If you're fascinated by Manhattan from the 1930s through 1950s (as I am), you'll want to know about this neglected author.

Try it:  If your friends are all occupied, and you're just dying to get out of the house on a less-than-beautiful Saturday or Sunday afternoon, hit one of your town's upscale cocktail bars, and kick back with a book and a little borrowed panache.  Pretty soon, the charm and charisma will be all yours.

Let me know how it goes and what you decided to read : ) .