Divorce: Embracing Changes

The image that inspired this blog post. It's from the Abraham-Hicks Perpetual Flip Calendar,  available here . With a beautiful image and quote for every day of the year. However, not all of the quotes will make sense, if you're not familiar with Esther Hicks' concepts.

The image that inspired this blog post. It's from the Abraham-Hicks Perpetual Flip Calendar, available here. With a beautiful image and quote for every day of the year. However, not all of the quotes will make sense, if you're not familiar with Esther Hicks' concepts.

“It is not possible to stand still, or be stuck, because Energy, and therefore life, is always in motion.

“Things are always changing. But the reason it may feel to you as if you are stuck is because while you are continuing to think the same thoughts, things are changing — but they are changing to the same thing, over and over.

“If you want things to change to different things, you must think different thoughts. And that simply requires finding unfamiliar ways of approaching familiar subjects.” — Esther Hicks

Wow. This is one of the most clear and concise descriptions of law of attraction as it impacts healing from divorce (or anything else).

Change how you look at things, and the things you look at change. Click here for a recent post of mine with a beautiful visual representation of how this works.

But is it that easy? It’s like when someone is tired of you whining about your divorce and says, “Just snap out of it!”

Law of Attraction Divorce Edition

Author (and Abraham-channeller) Esther Hicks says, “find unfamiliar ways of approaching familiar subjects.” She also likes to talk about constantly “beating the drum” of what you don’t want, and being surprised when you keep getting that thing you don’t want, or when everything keeps getting worse no matter what you do.

It’s actually not that things are getting worse no matter what you do. They’re getting worse because of what you’re doing . . . and not doing.

Allowing your mind to stay in dangerous places (despair, jealousy, revenge, blaming yourself) creates a fertile breeding ground for these self-destructive emotions and helps them to gain strength. And, all of this pain and negativity clouds your vision and makes it virtually impossible for you to take the actions that will help you grasp the hand of hope, see the beauty even in the midst of sadness, and feel a little bit better each day.

So, yes, I said that you’re allowing your mind to stay in dangerous places. But you certainly don’t feel like your “allowing” anything. Your emotions right now may be so strong that you feel you have no control over them.

<< Check out this blog and video for some solutions when your emotions won’t give you any peace. You’ll see one of the many techniques I offer that interrupt these excruciating thoughts and emotions — just for a moment — so you can disconnect the agony, interrupt its hold on you, and then have the choice to say no to it. >>

Once you can interrupt this relentless inner machine of trying to figure out what went wrong, how you can get him back, what he’s doing now, what will happen to the kids, how you’ll survive . . . the law of attraction part is: What thoughts and emotions will you put in place of what you have been thinking and feeling?

Your Thoughts = What You Get

Your thoughts train your mind, body, and emotions. They program you for what you believe and what to expect from life.

This is so important because you get to choose these thoughts. They should be intentional and not coming from the deepest place of your internal agony.

These should be affirmations about what you want and what you decide you will have, not about what you don’t want and the victimization that you’re feeling.

What you are thinking hundreds of times a day is what you will keep seeing in your life and what you will continue to attract more of. It’s so simple.

And, if you don’t believe it, just try it.

Try This:

Say “Cancel!” every time you find yourself on the hamster wheel of destructive thoughts — the ones that make you feel terrible, scared, weak, and small every time you think them. Just notice how many times a day you have to say “Cancel!”

Now, imagine that you started replacing those thoughts with something else. Something that makes you feel good. Something easy to remember to say.

“I am a good and worthy person.”

“I deserve happiness, and happiness is coming to me.”

Make it something that purposefully counteracts the worst of the constantly cycling thoughts in your head.

The Secret Sauce:

I know that this is not a complex technique. You don’t have to read a big book in order to use it and benefit from it. But it’s very powerful, if you use it consistently.

Being consistent is the only key. As humans, we like novelty. We get bored with staying consistent with simple techniques like this, which are so powerful if used and used and used. They become more powerful the more you use them.

But try it for seven days, and tell me what happens. Be consistent. By sticking with this one, small, magical practice, you are teaching yourself that you can count on you to be on your own side (and not think thoughts that make your life darker and weaker).

Know that you are a loving and lovable woman who does not deserve to torment herself when outside forces are already hurting you. You are the one person you can count on 100% to love and give emotional support to yourself, if you will only love the precious woman you are.

And, of course, I am here for you too. All you have to do is reach out. 🌸

 

6 Favorite Things: My Divorce-Healing Toolkit Updated

Ink and watercolor: &nbsp;Arna Baartz

Ink and watercolor:  Arna Baartz

It's been 2 1/2 years since the last time I did a favorite things blog post.  So, I felt it was time for some new ones. 

My original favorites post from 2014 covered all five senses, but this time, I'm focusing on the visual sense only:  visual art, oracle cards, books, and an app.

(Curious about my August 2014 favorites?  Here they are!)

Below you'll find a selection of things that make me (and my coaching clients) feel happy and loved.

Try them out, and please let me know what you think in the comments below.

 

Goddess Guidance Cards by Doreen Virtue.  My favorite single-card oracle ever.   You receive 44 beautifully designed, gold-edged oracle cards, each one featuring a different goddess (from among the world's traditions) along with a brief message.  The accompanying booklet provides a more detailed message and additional guidance for each card.

Less than $11 on Amazon and so beautiful.  Makes you feel so loved -- as if you're being protected by all the powerful women throughout history.  (And, you are, if you ask.)

 

 

 

My Shining Year Workbooks -- whimsical, magical, and make dreaming, setting goals, and planning fun and inspiring.

There are two workbooks (one for life and one for business). **By the way, I've updated the links for 2018, just in case you're interested in checking them out for this year.**

One workbook is for your personal life and goals (which helps you get to all the juicy stuff that keeps getting pushed aside from year to year). There's also a hippie-dippy (but very practical) workbook for those who run a business. 

If you want to smile and feel loved every time you open up your planner, click the links in red above to find out more.

 

Succulent Wild Woman by SARK.  A classic from 1997.  The positive, loving aura this book exudes -- just holding it your hands -- is incredible.  One of the original wildly colored, giving-you-permission-to-be-you guidebooks.  It still inspires me, as when I recently wrote a blog post about what succulent plants can teach us.  (Bonus video of SARK in that blog post, too!)

Does this look a little too woo-woo for you?  At less than $12 on Amazon, give it a try.  At the very least, you'll smile.  Imagine, women were giving themselves permission to be wild and free way back in the last millennium.  Yes, you do have the right to be YOU!

 

I Need Your Love --  Is That True? by Byron Katie.  If you're not familiar with the work of Byron Katie, here is a concise and powerful introduction.  

The book focuses on four simple questions to use when something is upsetting you.  These are questions that help to stop your mind and emotions from reeling out of control -- because we do often have more control than we think we do when it comes to handling challenging situations in life.

The four questions (which I use frequently in working with coaching clients) are:

  • Is what I’m thinking true?
  • Can I absolutely know it’s true?
  • How do I react or feel when I believe that upsetting thought?
  • Who would I be without the thought?  (Since I can’t know for certain that a troubling thought is absolutely true, what relief would I experience if I can allow myself to let go of it?)

I find that all of the best techniques for emotional healing are simple ones.  Try this.  Less than $12 on Amazon.

 

Focus Wheel app.  This is a very simple app that gives you a pinwheel where you start by typing into the center an affirmation or a quality you’d like to nurture within yourself.  

Then, around this central focus, you type 12 statements that support the way you’d like to feel or the changes you’d like to bring about in your life.  

This is a great focal point to refer to when you wake up in the morning and throughout your day, so that you keep your thoughts on what you do want and what your dreams and goals ARE, rather than on the things you don’t want.

For example, in the center you could say, “Things are always working out for me,” and then, surrounding this central image, you could write supporting statements such as, “I always have what I need,” “My next step is clear when I look within” . . . .

Focus WHeel Filled In: &nbsp;Center Says what you want to experience, and the 12 outer segments hold your supporting statements (the ideas that help you to believe in what you want).

Focus WHeel Filled In:  Center Says what you want to experience, and the 12 outer segments hold your supporting statements (the ideas that help you to believe in what you want).

Here's a pretty good explanation of the Focus Wheel Process -- but stick with just 12 statements on your wheel.  The more complex template this writer offers is confusing and makes things more difficult.  I also disagree with her opinion that this is an instant solution.  

Yes, you will feel better immediately, but you'll want to keep the wheels you've created so that next time the same negative thoughts arise, you've got your Focus Wheel handy.  That's the beauty of the whole thing!

Get the app free at the iTunes Store or on Google Play.

 

Ink and Watercolor: &nbsp;Arna Baartz

Ink and Watercolor:  Arna Baartz

And now to close with my very favorite favorite:

The art of Arna Baartz inspires me and heals me in a way that only it can do.

I first became aware of Arna's work through The Girl God facebook page, and I drench myself in her beautiful, vibrant works just about every day.  I also love her oracle deck, The Art of Kundalini, which will be available again later this year.  But, she currently has a completely new 40-card oracle deck available, Birds are Angels, and you can see the images here.

In addition to her art prints, card decks, and wearable art, Arna offers creative courses online.  There's a lot to explore, if her work speaks to you.

Here's a little glimpse of the artist:

 

 

 

Why your nightmares are your best friend right now

Are you troubled by nightmares?  Maybe they're not even directly related to your divorce.  Maybe it's just one of the ways that the stress you're under is trying to get your attention.

I used to wake up in the middle of a nightmare and go back to sleep to try to make sense of it.  Then I'd enter a semi-conscious state with the chills, sure that the content of the nightmare had actually happened, and I would spend several minutes lying there, trying to figure out damage control for whatever I thought had actually occurred.  Slowly, I'd fully awaken and realize it had all been a terrible dream.

I became so tired of this happening several nights a week.  What were these awful dreams trying to teach me?  I couldn't derive anything positive from this pervasive nightmare experience.

Until I figured it out.

I invite you to use your bad dreams as an insight into the main thing (or couple of things) that the wisdom inside you wants you to change in order to be happy.

Your nightmares are guiding you to see, in a dramatic and unmistakable way, exactly what you should focus on -- within the complex tornado of things going on in your life right now.  Your dreams are trying to tell you:  This is it!  Forget the rest of it.  Focus on this one thing.

Take a look at the content of your dream.  What is it trying to tell you?

In my case,  my recurring nightmare revolved around being with the wrong, dead-end man again, slogging through day after day of grayness, and feeling that this was all my life would ever be.  Sometimes the dreams were about being controlled, and losing my chance to make something beautiful of my life.  About being too old or helpless to change things. Many times, in the dream, I was being attacked and kept trying to scream, but nothing came out of my mouth.   Can you see how the themes of powerlessness and unworthiness were center stage in my nightmares?

In your nightmares, you get to see what your inner self sees and fears.  Even if, when in a waking state, you feel perfectly capable, or would never admit to yourself that fears and vulnerability are there, in your nightmares, it all comes out.

When you think about what your scary dreams are telling you, and begin to treat them as if they are important self-knowledge, it's easy to make some exciting and healing changes that you might not otherwise have had access to.

In my case, I realized, for the first time, that my nightmares showed me all of the negative feelings that I held about myself -- the very things that held me back from having all of the things that I had desired for a lifetime.

There was no difficult dream interpretation to go through.  It was all there.  These dreams didn't come from outside me, they came from within.

I began to watch for times when similar themes entered my thought during the day:  Feelings of helplessness, unworthiness, being somehow less than other women, all those feelings that the good things in life are for everyone else, but not for me.

Yet, I always knew, throughout my life, that all of these good things definitely were for me.  I just didn't know how to get there.

Now, I do.  And it's a very simple shift.

The Abraham-Hicks law of attraction material suggests that all you have to do to start this process is to shift your thoughts for 17 seconds from your fears (reinforcing what you don't want) to your vision of what you do want.  You don't need to know how you'll get there; you just start telling the story of your life the way you want it to be.  When those self-limiting, depressing thoughts return, spend another 17 seconds turning it around.  And keep doing it. 

You'll find your dreams changing into refreshing, life-giving visions that let you wake up with a smile, and set you up for a beautiful day.

Your nightmares make it very clear to you the story that you are internally telling yourself.  And that's great.  Now that you know what deep-seated, subconscious beliefs you have, it's that much easier to turn them around.

Want a little more help with this?  Subscribe to my e-zine by filling out the box in the right column of this post.  And I wish you beautiful dreams -- both sleeping and waking!