Welcome to a series of world-class master coach videos I’m sharing on topics that are key to emotional healing after divorce. Martha Beck is an American sociologist, life coach, best-selling author, and speaker who specializes in helping individuals and groups achieve personal and professional goals.
Today’s topic is one that I explore in much more depth in my coaching sessions. When coming out of long marriages, many women can hardly remember what they want and what they prefer when it comes to creating a home that reflects their own tastes and aspirations (rather than evidence of their husbands’ preferences or hodge-podge of their kids’ stuff).
If you are still living in your marital home, it’s so important to consider erasing the signs of your ex, so that you’re not dragged into the past every time you enter your living space. I”m not suggesting that you change your furniture (unless you can easily afford it), but you can tweak what you have to express yourself and your own tastes -- and who you are now.
Loving your own space, and having that moment of ahhhh! every time you walk through your front door is so very important. Your home needs to be your own healing spa, and once this is in place, if you have children, they will start to feel the magic, too (and may also be more motivated to pick up their things, and keep your home looking beautiful).
Scroll down past the video for top divorcée takeaways on how to allow your home to look more like you, in case you'd like an idea of what's covered before watching.
Divorcée takeaways on designing your living space to help you heal:
What, if any, are the events in your past that keep you from having interiors in your living space that you absolutely love, and that make you feel the way you want to feel?
What gets in the way? (Rosetta’s Hint: It’s not lack of money or resources because, even without those, it’s possible to find furniture and other items free or practically free, and often decluttering is a powerful way to see the beautiful items you already own and that bring you comfort and joy.)
Choose one room to start with. If you don’t know where to start, your bedroom is always a good choice because, now, it belongs exclusively to you! And, it’s your retreat from whatever is going on in the rest of the house.
Not sure how to begin? Journal about what you do not like as you experience your living space every day. (Rosetta’s Questions to Get You Started: Does it feel cold? Does it feel cluttered? Does it lack color? Does it have too many reminders of your ex-husband?
Think of a room in which you felt wonderful. What was it like? This will give you some clues about things you’d like to do with your own space. Write about the colors, the feeling, the objects you especially liked. Be specific about things in that special room which you could adapt to your own home.
Add or subtract. In the video, Martha Beck’s client has a very stark and spare space, with only the minimum in terms of furniture, and almost no personal items visible throughout the house. Most of my clients, however, tend towards lots of clutter. (Rosetta’s Hint: Whichever end of the spectrum you’re on, it’s time to take a careful look at the room you’ve selected to work with, and first, remove items that you strongly dislike -- or that remind you of your ex. When some of those items are gone, it’s easier to take a breath and think about one new thing you could bring into your space that would give you the largest amount of joy. What single thing would make the biggest difference to you in your enjoyment of that room?)
Take a look at the video to see how a few simple changes made a big difference in how Martha’s client felt about her bedroom.
Would you like more help around making your living space a place that helps you heal?
If you feel you’re sinking or stuck in dealing with your emotions (as you navigate separation and divorce, or as you try to heal emotionally after divorce) why not schedule a 30-minute virtual coffee date with me? You'll get immediate help and techniques to feel better from the moment you get on the call. (And if, after our call, you don't feel our time together was helpful, your $25 payment will be auto-refunded. There is nothing to lose, and you will feel better fast.)