After divorce, we can want life to get better so much that we squeeze all the life out of our desire by trying to hold things together so tightly.
We worry about our lives constantly, wondering when we'll feel better, wondering when this mess will fall into place, and secretly fearing what will happen if we never get our lives back and feel whole again.
Women tend to panic about whether life will ever be good again, and tend to feel that everything is outside our control.
But, a big part of feeling better is in thinking about what we desire, what we want, rather than focusing obsessively on the current situation, or on what we fear.
We don't dare to allow ourselves to ask this question: What would my life feel like if I had my dream -- my life as I want it to be.
We feel it's dangerous to stop worrying. It seems irresponsible to believe in possibilities rather than shutting ourselves down with all the reasons why not. It can be difficult to identify the calm and easy steps that will get us closer to having our desires come true.
It seems too scary. We're afraid to let ourselves imagine the happiness of living the dream. We've been disappointed so many times before, and the fall from hope to disappointment hurts so much.
But. It's almost impossible to get to the dream without first fantasizing about what it will be like to be there. Feeling the happiness in advance is what sets the stage to have what you want.
This is a big topic, and that's why so many books have been written on the subjects of manifesting, attracting love, attracting abundance, attracting the job of your dreams . . . . For today, here are some simple steps to move you into the zone where magic can happen.
Step #1: Stop listening to negative things from the media or from the naysayers in your life, and stop focusing on what you don't want.
Are you tending to see and hear all kinds of bad news about how hard it is to start over after divorce? Are friends and family reacting to your situation with pity instead of positivity? Do you become more apprehensive about your new life the more research you do? When you allow yourself to pay attention to the sensationalistic "bad news" you might find that you feel worse, and things start going from bad to worse. I call this bad magic.
What you focus on is what keeps appearing. It's like when you decide you want to buy a red car. Suddenly, you're surprised to start seeing red cars everywhere.
So, stop paying attention to news and videos and conversations about what you don't want. Bad news is not the total reality of the situation. It's just a version of reality that you don't want. By refusing to pay attention to it, you're telling it to go away.
Step #2: Focus on what you want and not on the impediments in the way.
Once you've had a conversation with yourself, explaining to yourself why you're not inviting bad magic into your life anymore, you've cleared out some space to start noticing examples of what you want.
So, start noticing little things that are going well, or that support your dream of how you want your life to be. Notice stories that you see on Facebook about women who are similar to you who are achieving what they want. How did they do it? Was it more of a "doing" or an "undoing" -- or a combination of both?
Notice little kindnesses that happen to you -- even a smile that someone gives to you. Keep reviewing in your mind the pleasant things that happen instead of rehashing the things that are bothering you or wearing you down.
Step #3: Build your magic power by starting to manifest easy, small things.
Think of some little things that would please you: Maybe you're in the mood for a coffee drink. Just mentally throw it out there as something nice to have, and then release it. Don't try to "make it happen." I manifest free coffee (free, fancy coffee drinks) all the time.
Or, here's one that everyone knows about: Manifest a parking space. Five minutes before you get to your destination, just think of how nice it would be to find a parking space right in front of the place you're going to. Then, let it go.
The important point here is to just wish, feel the good feeling of having that little thing happen, and then release it, relax, and forget it. This is the thing you want to practice. No obsessing over it. No working hard to make it happen. No worrying it to death: "Is it there yet? Is it there yet? No? See, I knew I couldn't do this!"
Step #4: Learn the difference between "needing" something and "desiring" something.
Desiring and daydreaming work to bring you closer to the life you want. Fear, panic, and "needing" don't. Desperation hardly ever works.
This is why manifesting a parking space is so easy to do -- but, much harder to do if you're running late and you absolutely have to have that parking space.
Wishes are easier to manifest than things that you frame as dire needs. Start practicing with "Wouldn't it be nice if . . ." and see how easy it is to attract these little things. Start thinking about something you'd like to have appear in your path, and you'll be surprised to start experiencing people bringing these things to you unexpectedly. Or, an inspiration or opportunity will appear that leads you on the next step or steps to a bigger magical goal, such as a job, or a relationship, or the best course of action to improve your health.
Step #5: How about looking at a bigger desire as just as easy to manifest as the free coffee drink?
After you've been practicing the attraction of little pleasures for a while, you'll gain confidence to try the same thing on a little bit bigger scale. The trick is to approach it the same way: You don't "need" it; you desire it. You don't strangle it; you invite it. You say, "Wouldn't it be fun if . . .," even if what you want to attract is important in your life and is a serious matter.
Enough for now! Try these steps and see what happens. I would love it if you let me know in the comments below.