Healing From Divorce: Real magic versus fairy-tale fixes that go "poof"

Last week, I wrote about the magic of intention, and how to use five powerful steps to create magic by working with the things you can control in your life right now.  

I wrote about how we unknowingly create "bad magic", and what to do about that.  Plus, how to practice the magical skills you may not know you already have -- by manifesting simple, easy pleasures and gifts.

But what if you have some ideas about magic that make emotional and financial recovery from divorce even more difficult -- rather than creating the small or big miracles you're looking for?

Because, there's real magic and . . . there's pretending and fairy tales.  Many women try to block out the pain of divorce by indulging in retail therapy or luxury vacations with no lasting benefits.   Others resort to an array of options to change the way they look, thinking that it's easier to just change the packaging than to look inside for the answers on how to take our lives forward.  

All of that seems to work, for a very brief moment.  The new look or the new place is refreshing and lets us believe we're different, just like magic.  But, then -- poof! -- it's gone.  The pain comes back, the confusion and emptiness return, and it ends up that nothing has really changed.

Real magic happens when we stop trying to escape, stop trying to be someone else or someone better, and decide to make friends with our own inner life and ask it what it wants from us.

Buying happiness and why getting to real magic can seem so difficult.

It doesn't help that, as women, we've been sold to all our lives, and told that, if we were just prettier, more charming, more "it", or had this or that glittery object, that we'd finally be "enough" to attract everything we wanted.  It was always about impressing someone else.  And that someone else was often a man.

So step one on the path to real magic is to stop thinking about who everyone else says you should be as a woman.  Sometimes, this requires a "cold turkey" period, where you decide to stop putting on the cosmetic mask that you've worn everyday since forever, and stop putting on your daily uniform, whatever it is.  It's about starting from a blank slate again and remembering who you really are, without all of the expectations that have surrounded you since you were born.

How much of your life feels like the real you? And, who is the real you?

How many of the things that surround you (your home, your possessions, your cubicle at work) really feel like they're an extension of you?  How about your friends? Your family?  Do these things, people, and situations truly feel comfortable and right for you, or does it feel as if you're marooned on a planet that feels strange and cold?

One way to find the real magic of transformation is to peel back the layers of "not me" to find the heart of your real truth, and start again from that.  It doesn't have to be painful, and it can be done bit by bit, as if you're on an archeological dig, gently brushing away the signs of a civilization that was built on top of who you are.  Slowly and gently, you begin to uncover clues to the real you.  Little by little, you start to live in honor of that true you.

The real magic is in meeting ourselves.  What does the spirit inside you really want?  In order to meet her, it helps to stop collecting things, layering on all sorts of new objects and escapist experiences in an effort to dull the pain.

Believe it or not, the answers are looking for you.  Life does want to give you the fulfillment of your dreams, even if it all seems like a tangled, impossible mess right now.  Magic is trying to find you right now.  Your divorce is part of that magic.  

Interesting in reading Part 3 of this magic series? Click here.

Want to know more about my unique coaching method to master the magic I’ve been talking about in this series (plus experience deep and timely emotional healing)? Here's where you can find out more about my method.