After 11 years of marriage, I find myself still shaking my head in wonder.
Fourteen years ago, I was absolutely, positively certain I’d never find love. No husband. No kids. Not for me, it just wasn’t meant to be. I wasn’t lovable.
What I noticed is that when I don’t immediately get what I want, it can be tempting to blame myself. I wonder if maybe I’m not good enough, smart enough -- whatever enough.
It can be really hard to sit in the place of unknowing, struggling to believe in the possibility of receiving what we desire deep down. It’s much easier to lose faith and only feel the tension.
The space between what we desire and what we don’t have is probably one of the most dreaded and avoided spaces in the world. But what if you could appreciate the tension of living in between wanting what you want and not having it?
Appreciate the tension – whaaaaaa?!
Yes. Instead of trying to control the situation or berating ourselves for not being perfect already, we can appreciate the process.
For instance, when I met my husband, I didn’t like him. He irritated me. We were in the same circle of friends though, so we saw each other often. I remember thinking more than once, “Who does that guy think he is?” and it came out as anger. Not surprisingly, he thought on more than one occasion, “What’s up with that girl?” We repelled each other.
But without the tension pulling between two things, nothing new can be born. (Ever given birth?)
Tension is a powerful process that pushes and shapes our desires into being.
When you feel that tension, you can celebrate because it means things are really cooking!! What you want is on its way! Just like in cooking, some things need to simmer all day before yielding succulent flavors (stew), while others require no cooking (fresh berries off the vine) to give us an instant rush of taste.
So, imagine my surprise when a year after I had first met him, this guy who irritated me so much confronted my anger.
He just asked, “Why? Why are you so angry?” And for whatever reason (divine timing!) all my pretenses and angry defenses fell away. My whole body remembered why I was so angry. The reason I thought I was so unlovable. I had blocked out the memory of my childhood sexual abuse.
While it was scary to remember something so excruciating, so devastating, that I had worked so hard all my life to forget, it also put all the puzzle pieces of my life in place. Everything suddenly made sense. I truly believe that my biggest grief -- this trauma, opened the way to my greatest joy.
Through my tears, there before me I saw my greatest ally. We walked outside and I saw color for the first time. We walked slowly, like caterpillars, taking it all in.
Shortly after, to support myself in between therapy sessions, I discovered doTERRA therapeutic grade essential oils. These pure plant medicines supported me in the places where I got triggered and spun out, when everything felt scary and I wanted to hide.
I developed a practice of putting a grounding essential oil blend called Balance on my feet in the morning. Next, I’d think of my intention for healing and place a drop of joyful essential oil blend called Elevation on my heart.
This simple daily practice of consciously calling in and receiving support with the intention for joy and healing changed me. Now, 11 happily wedded years later with two beautiful sons, I know for certain that just beyond your greatest grief, is your greatest joy.
I am forever grateful to both my husband and doTERRA essential oils for being some of my greatest allies of this journey of healing.
Dorine Nafziger has offered my readers a free 30-minute consultation on how essential oils can support your physical and emotional well-being as you move through your divorce recovery experience. See her fun Dorine's Cooking with Essential Oils page on facebook, or contact her directly at firstname.lastname@example.org.