Easy infusion of joy that you can repeat anytime

Have you been thinking about downloading my free 5 Surprising Cures for the Divorcée Holiday Blues ebook . . . but you're not sure if you like me enough to trust me with your email address?  I know how you feel : ) .

So, just for you, here's a special bonus magical process for those days when you're just not feeling it -- and this one isn't even in the ebook.  And, you can get it with one click.

I know that the thought of going through a 38-page ebook might feel like too much work right now.  But, how about a tiny magic printable that can give you a huge turnaround for just 10 minutes of playing with it?

And you don't even have to give me your email address so I can keep in touch.  But, I do ask one thing (because it will increase my joy).

If you try the Tiny Infusions of Joy process, will you let me know what results you got?  This is my first-steps form, but Please use the message field here to tell me what happened for you.

Here's the magic printable download.

And, of course, if you want the full holiday-rescue ebook (and you're reading this during holiday season 2017) see the box to your right to get in on it!

xoxo

 

How to have a joyous holiday season despite your divorce (free ebook, too)

Every time the holiday season comes around, I remember my first few Christmases and New Year's Eves after my divorce.  

During my separation, divorce, and for years following the divorce, the holiday season was just an awful time for me.

The agony started right after Halloween, as Christmas decorations started to appear in stores, and Christmas music began to blast everywhere I went.

I truly came to understand the expression "gut-wrenching."  I felt physically ill, and had to resort to deep breathing and sunglasses to camouflage the tears.

I'd talk to myself, silently (and sometimes not so silently) in public.  I'd say to myself, "It's okay, it's okay, hang in there.  Breathe.  Thank god for sunglasses:  No one can see you crying.  Just hang in there a few more minutes.  You'll be back in the car soon and then you can let it all out . . . ."

Somehow, the season would have me rehashing all sorts of old memories:

What I should have done, how I should have known better, what wasn't my fault, what I couldn't possibly have known . . . on and on and on.

I'd reminisce about my lying, cheating ex.  But in my memories, I couldn't remember all those horrible things he'd done.  I remembered shopping for the Christmas tree together, putting up decorations, making our own playlists of Christmas songs.

And the holidays post-divorce back then?  Showing up to family celebrations alone.  Knowing that many in my family blamed me for divorcing him.  Knowing that my parents believed that no matter how badly I was treated, it was the woman's job to sacrifice herself and endure.  (Yes, even now that it's the 21st century.)  Somehow, it was never the man's fault.

And I wondered:  What were the odds I could ever be happy again?

What were the chances that I'd ever end up with someone better . . . or even just someone who was not too bad?  Did I even want someone if he was just not too bad?  Did I need someone just to keep me company? 

Everything seemed frightening to think about.  I couldn't imagine year after year of holiday seasons and special occasions pasting on a smile and feeling dead inside.

No one had an answer for me.  There was simply no cure.  Oh, yeah, the five stages of grief. Talk therapy that just made everything worse.  Telling me that it was going to take a long time to feel better and that there were no short-cuts.  The whole thing felt like a death sentence.  A heart and soul death sentence.  Made me feel as though I wasn't anything anymore.  At least not anything or anyone I wanted to be.

When would this get better?  And how would I survive this miserable holiday season?  I wanted to go to sleep until it was over.

Of course, it did get better.  Some of you know about the 7-step system I created to speed my own recovery, but that came later.

But first, I needed something special to get through the month of December.

It was one particular holiday season where I knew I had to do something.  My mom had passed away after a long battle with leukemia just days before Christmas, I was struggling with my own cancer diagnosis -- and on top of everything, I was still blaming myself for my ex-husband's lying and cheating, still feeling pretty worthless.  I asked myself: "What would have to happen to take my focus off the past, deal with my grief, and have hope and strength to go it alone with my own health conditions and fears? How could I draw strength from this season of the year, and start to love and respect myself, even without the approval and emotional support of others?"

So . . . I tried a lot of different things (because that's how my mind works, and my burning belief about everything tough is that there must be a way, but I might not know what it is, yet).  And, I came up with a system (because that's also how my mind works).  And, it got better.  I had a wonderful holiday season, but it might not have looked very traditional to most people.  I started to heal myself that Christmas and New Years' and I started to believe in myself again (or, maybe for the first time).

And then . . . I created an ebook and worksheets based on everything that had worked for me (well, actually, I call the printables "magic worksheets"), and recorded the ebook in five audios.  I really believe in my little holiday rescue program, and why not share? 

It's called 5 Surprising Cures for the Holiday Blues and it offers five different "holiday blues cures" to help divorcees who need a holiday rescue plan.  I boldly promise that you can turn your holiday blues into a blueprint for your new year.

Just some of what you'll learn, in the free ebook download:

  • How to minimize the parts of the holiday season that send you back to dark places where you don't want to be.  
  • How to put yourself back in charge of how you spend the holidays.  That in itself is pretty great, because the program coaches you, step-by-step, in creating activities that will support you, and that you really love.
  • How to figure out what you want from this time of year, and how to get it.
  • Specifically how you can give to yourself (as well as to others) and renew yourself, rather than drain yourself dry.
  • How to use this end-of-year time to completely create your vision for the new year, exactly the way you want it to be.  You don't have to revisit the past.  
  • And, I promise, the process will be easy, exciting, and fun -- because you choose how much or how little to do.  Pick what you like from this little book, and feel free to ignore the rest.

It's just 38 pages, which also include the magic worksheets (at the back of the book), so this is not just another overwhelming, time-consuming project to do this program.

And, I made a little video walkthrough because I thought you might like to see what it all looks like.  You can read it from your favorite device, or download the .pdf.

I want you to have a happier holiday season planned with things *you* want to do, instead of feeling picked apart by everyone else in your life and what they expect from you.Take a look and choose among surprising ideas that will make your season happy and bright -- and will help you to do it your way.

Click here to get instant access to the complete ebook.  I truly hope -- and believe -- that this gift -- with love from me to you -- will make a big difference in how this holiday season unfolds for you.

And, if it helps you, it would make me so happy if you let me know!


 

Quick Thanksgiving weekend "hello"

The 2017 edition of my holiday ebook is getting spruced up right now.

The 2017 edition of my holiday ebook is getting spruced up right now.

It has been a couple of months since I've been able to schedule the time to crank out free and informative (but very time-consuming to create) blog content, but I did want to let everyone know that, as always, I'm working hard behind the scenes!

Over Thanksgiving weekend, in addition to doing some Thanksgiving cooking and enjoying a wonderful dinner with friends, I started to think about why it has seemed such a thankless chore to research and write blog posts and to keep up the endless postings to our Dynamic Divorcee facebook page year after year after year.

Just having those kinds of feelings (on Thanksgiving, no less) was a wakeup call for me.  I LOVE my business, so why was I being such a grumpasaurus?

I realized it was time for a Dynamic Divorcee reboot, and time to have our website, our facebook page, and our freebies truly reflect who I am, what I care about, and who I care about working with (and that means all of you, my dear coaching clients, past, present, and future).  Time to stop worrying about all the topics I think you want me to write about (or that I feel I HAVE to write about), and just to write and share things that matter most to me (and have mattered most to my actual coaching clients, not the entire world of divorced women at large).

I am a person with ATTITUDE, and our branding has never reflected this, perhaps because I was a little concerned about whether my dear readers could handle it.  Turns out, we all want to be liked -- even coaches : )

I need to be bold and do exactly what I coach my awesome and fabulous dynamic divorcees to do.  So, here it comes.

If you visit our website, you'll see the beginnings of this change in attitude.  I am feeling so energized and excited about freshening things up.

I've also started working on an upgrade for my holiday perennial ebook, 5 Surprising Cures for the Divorcee Holiday Blues (that's a mouthful!) -- a complete update of the design, and maybe a little tweaking of the content, too, because I always have a few new ideas to share.

If you're on my elist, you'll be receiving the ebook (and maybe a few extras) soon.  If you're not on my list, but would like to receive it, click here to allow me to be in contact with you.

Hope everyone made it through Thanksgiving in one piece, and for the rest of the holiday season, I've got you covered!

Coping With Divorce: Too many changes, too fast.

<<Welcome to a series of world-class master coach videos I’m sharing on topics that are key to emotional healing after divorce. Brené Brown is an American scholar, author, and public speaker, who is currently a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. Over the last fifteen years she has been involved in research on a range of topics, including vulnerability, courage, shame, and empathy. She is the author of three #1 New York Times bestsellers: The Gifts of Imperfection (2010), Daring Greatly (2012), and Rising Strong (2015).>>

During divorce, and sometimes, long afterwards, women can be a little bit preoccupied with trying to feel safe.  So many changes have happened. So many things we thought were incontrovertibly true vanish in a puff of smoke. It can seem there’s no solid ground under our feet, and we have to keep shifting our balance, never quite knowing where we’ll end up.

Here’s a little video snip on the subject of vulnerability, and how to take a tiny step toward feeling safe again.

Scroll down past the video for top divorcée takeaways on feeling too vulnerable after divorce, in case you'd like an idea of what's covered before watching. (And, in the bullet points, I include some of my own secret sauce to tie things together, specific to divorce recovery.)

Divorcée takeaways on feeling safe again:

  • How to know if you’re “armoring” (that is, trying to protect yourself from pain, or from the next bad thing that’s sure to happen).

  • Perfectionism: Trying to control events, situations, and your own behavior in an almost talismanic way.  (Rosetta’s explanation:  As if, by being perfect, or requiring others to be so, you can subvert impending disaster and keep yourself safe.)

  • Numbing the pain: food, drugs, drinks, gossip, social media.

  • Social media support is different from personal 1:1 support because when you ask a friend to take ten minutes to talk with you about what you’re going through, it’s an act of vulnerability to ask for that support.  We protect ourselves from rejection by not asking, and relying on social media support instead.

  • Joy is the most vulnerable emotion we experience. If you cannot tolerate joy, you start dress-rehearsing tragedy.  When something joyous happens, it can trigger you to expect tragedy to follow in its wake. (Rosetta’s Hint: It can feel safer to just cultivate the habit of expecting the worst, but this can lead to a spiral of depression and a mindset of “What’s the use? I’ll only be disappointed. The rug will be pulled out, and I’ll be left with nothing again. If something good happens, it will only set me up for an even bigger fall.”)

  • People who are comfortable with vulnerability, also feel fear that blessings can be taken away, but Instead of using that feeling as a warning to practice disaster, they use it as a reminder to practice gratitude.

  • (Rosetta’s Hint: For some women, practicing gratitude can make them even more aware of everything that’s still left for them to lose. An alternative way of dealing with the fear of greater loss is to strengthen your positive mindset as a human being. Feed the feeling that, no matter what you’ve been through, you’ve survived it. You are competent, you can learn what you need to know in order to keep growing and keep changing for the better.  It may be difficult, right now, to have confidence in a benevolent Universe, but you can cultivate confidence in yourself -- not the Universe -- based on the fact that you’re still here!)

Would you like more help around too many changes and how to develop the confidence to handle them?

If you feel you’re sinking or stuck in dealing with your emotions (as you navigate separation and divorce, or as you try to heal emotionally after divorce) why not schedule a 30-minute virtual coffee date with me? You'll get immediate help and techniques to feel better from the moment you get on the call. (And if, after our call, you don't feel our time together was helpful, your $25 payment will be auto-refunded. There is nothing to lose, and you will feel better fast.)

Click this link to learn more.

Divorcée goddess guidance for the week

Choose one of the three cards above.

Choose one of the three cards above.

To start off this week with a little bit of goddess guidance, here's a quick reading for you all.

Take a look at the first photo (to the left), meditate on a question you have for this coming week, and mentally choose one of the three cards.

Do be sure to choose a card before scrolling down to see the reveal and the meanings of all three cards. (Unless otherwise stated, the card messages and information on the goddesses come from the Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards available from Hay House.)

Card to the left: SIGE (Quiet Time) 

Message: "Quiet your mind. Breathe and let go of words, worry, and plans. Go into that space of silence deep within you, that vortex of peace where the world doesn't enter. Now is the time to retreat in silence and spend time alone. I'll lovingly help you rejuvenate and recenter yourself. Don't try to make any decisions now. Just allow your mind to be at rest. You'll know soon enough when it's time to take action. But for now, quiet your mind. Rest."

Rosetta's Interpretation: Be careful not to jump to conclusions about what is upsetting you right now. Listen to learn more about the situation. Ask yourself, "Is there a reason I have to allow myself to fan the flames of the bad vibes I'm feeling?" All will be clear and come clean soon, if you don't allow yourself to become emotionally dragged into the drama. (And, of course, don't allow yourself to escalate the drama, either.)

Cards revealed.

Cards revealed.

About Sige: The Gnostic goddess Sige is considered to be the great silence or void from which all creation sprang. Sige is the mother of Sophia, the goddess of wisdom. Sige teaches that our roots are in the silent void of the universe, and that it's important for us to reconnect with silence regularly.

Sige card interpretation from the Land of Goddesses website: Because it is the silence which surrounds Sige herself, it is difficult to find any information about her. However, her message in the card decks is very clear: Be aware of the fact that silence is a great force.  It is wise to decide when it is better not to speak or not to answer.

Experience the creative silence of concentration before you start acting. This is the goddess of contemplation who convinces us to slow down, to ponder and to rest. Remember that when you are alone and you do not communicate with environment, you contact your true self. We often crave love and acceptance so much that we suppress our real needs. Our civilization pushes us to live in the community and therefore being alone and silent may cause anxiety in us. Drawing the card of Sige helps us find the power to confront ourselves.

. . . She reminds us that the word can both heal and kill and once it is said, it cannot be unsaid. If Logos was born from Silence, it means that Silence is creative by nature and it incorporates the element of searching for knowledge and understanding. Because of its feminine aspect, this knowledge is intuitive and subconscious but without searching we shall not attain the enlightenment. The power of silence is within each of us and each of us must confront it at some point of life. If we do listen, the silence and focus can speak loudly and clearly but when we try to ignore them, they begin to scream and to demand attention.

Center card: MAWU (Mother Earth)

Message: "There's no greater cause today than giving back to your mother and rekindling a friendship with the soil, air, and water. The Earth is the life force for material life. You make a huge difference in this planet's welfare through small and simple changes in how you operate. I will help you accomplish this goal in all ways."

Rosetta's Interpretation: You, too, are a creator -- but, in order to create, it's essential to stay in touch with nature and Creation. Get outside your home and office -- especially if you feel you hardly do anything except shuttle back and forth between places you have to be. Find a place you want to be, a place that helps you remember who you are. Find your happy place this week.

About Mawu: She is the West African moon goddess who's believed to have created all life, with her husband the sun god, Lisa. Mawu helps those who call upon her to learn how to live in harmony with nature, and to respect its resources. She ensures that our needs are abundantly supplied without causing harm to the planet.

About Mawu from Wikipedia: Mawu (alternately: Mahu) is a creator goddess, associated with the sun and moon in Dahomey mythology. After creating the earth and all life and everything else on it, she became concerned that it might be too heavy, so she asked the primeval serpent, Aido Hwedo, to curl up beneath the earth and thrust it up in the sky. When she asked Awe, a monkey she had also created, to help out and make some more animals out of clay, he boasted to the other animals and challenged Mawu.

Gbadu, the first woman Mawu had created, saw all the chaos on Earth and told her children to go out among the people and remind them that only Mawu can give Sekpoli - the breath of life. Gbadu instructed her daughter, Minona, to go out among the people and teach them about the use of palm kernels as omens from Mawu. When Awe, the arrogant monkey climbed up to the heavens to try to show Mawu that he too could give life, he failed miserably. Mawu made him a bowl of porridge with the seed of death in it and reminded him that only she could give life and that she could also take it away.

Card to the right: VESTA (Home)

Message: "There's an undying flame within your soul, and it's the light, seed, and spark of your consciousness. Your outer world reflects your inner world. Take a look around your home. Does it reflect warmth? If not, this is easily remedied and so important to do. It's a simple task of using your creative imagination to add warm energy to your household. By warming up your outer world, your inner flame responds to meet it. This increases your energy level, which automatically shifts all outward appearances toward the better. Watch how these simple steps recharge the flame within everyone in your household. This flame cleanses away negativity and brings in the new with vigor and irresistible invitation."

Rosetta's Interpretation: Light the fire within. Look for ways to bring warmth and light to the dark corners in your life. Don't be afraid to look at areas of your life that have been scaring you. Take a look in order to get a feeling for what needs to change in order to bring light into areas you may have completely given up on ever being able to change. This has nothing to do with anyone else in your life changing. It's about experiencing the power that you have, on your own, to bring health and happiness into your life. If you do something different, and it feels warm, welcoming, and good, you're heading in the right direction.

About Vesta: Vesta is the Roman goddess of home and hearth. Vesta is a fire goddess who brings warmth to households, both as a temperature and as an emotion. In ancient Rome, a temple in her honor bore a flame that burned continually. Call upon Vesta to oversee any changes you'd like to make in your living situation.

About the Vestal Virgins from Wikipedia: The Vestals were committed to the priestesshood before puberty (when 6–10 years old) and sworn to celibacy for a period of 30 years. These 30 years were divided in turn into decade-long periods during which Vestals were respectively students, servants, and teachers. 

Their tasks included the maintenance of the fire sacred to Vesta, the goddess of the hearth and home, collecting water from a sacred spring, preparation of food used in rituals and caring for sacred objects in the temple's sanctuary. By maintaining Vesta's sacred fire, from which anyone could receive fire for household use, they functioned as "surrogate housekeepers", in a religious sense, for all of Rome. Their sacred fire was treated, in Imperial times, as the emperor's household fire.

Afterwards, they were retired and replaced by a new inductee. Once retired, a former Vestal was given a pension and allowed to marry. The Pontifex Maximus, acting as the father of the bride, would typically arrange a marriage with a suitable Roman nobleman. A marriage to a former Vestal was highly honoured, and – more importantly in ancient Rome – thought to bring good luck, as well as a comfortable pension.

Would you like more help around the challenges you face this week?

If you feel you’re sinking or stuck in dealing with your emotions (as you navigate separation and divorce, or as you try to heal emotionally after divorce) why not schedule a 30-minute virtual coffee date with me? You'll get immediate help and techniques to feel better from the moment you get on the call. If you'd like a card reading or oracle reading to be part of that process, we can do that in addition to my other divorce recovery coaching techniques. (And if, after our call, you don't feel our time together was helpful, your $25 payment will be auto-refunded. There is nothing to lose, and you will feel better fast.)

Click this link to learn more.

8 mistakes women make when trying to heal from divorce

I've been coaching separated, divorcing, and divorced women for years now, and thought it would be helpful to share some of the things that most women tend to do before they meet me -- things that seem to be smart choices to get back on track with life, but -- often tend to hurt rather than help.

See if any of these resonate with you.  (I've listed them in the order of the frequency that most of my divorcees mention them.)

#1 Asking for, and getting, too much conflicting advice

You're overwhelmed by all of the advice you've been receiving from all of the people in your life about how to move on.  You're trying to implement all the suggestions, and none of them stick.  It's just information overload.

What to do instead:  Find an emotional healing method that's specific to divorce, and that resonates with you.  Then, follow it, step by step.

#2  Burning out your sounding boards

You need to talk to someone -- and your family and friends are your only sounding board.  You know they're getting tired of hearing it, but you keep talking to them about your divorce or your ex, anyway.

What to do instead:  Get someone in your corner who is an expert at diffusing the sadness, anger, pain, and agony of divorce -- and can actually help lift you out of it.  Make it one person, whose actual job is to work with you to reach a clearly stated outcome in a clearly stated period of time.  Even at their best, friends and family may tend to fan the flames, and make you second-guess your choices (for example, you should have done x, y, and z to save your marriage).  You'll tend to feel worse by rehashing your relationship over and over, and trying to implement all the conflicting advice.

#3  Retail therapy

You've been using retail therapy to put a band-aid on the pain, and you have nothing to show for it but the credit card bills.

What to do instead:  Take back those expensive impulse buys:  Return whatever you can.  And next time the urge to spend strikes, channel the shopping impulse into investing in something that can truly change your life for the better:  an experience that educates you instead of binging on just more stuff, or cocktails, or spa services, or hair highlights.  Think about whether the things you're about to buy have the ability to truly transform your life in the long run, and spend accordingly.  You'll feel so much stronger and more in control when you do this.

#4  Obsession with the ex

You're obsessed with what your ex is doing, who he's doing it with, and what he's spending money on -- as if being angry and continuing to vent on him will somehow change things.

What to do instead:  Every time you start turning your ex over and over in your mind, use those thoughts as a cue that you're hurting yourself, not him.  He's not thinking about you; he's getting on with his life.  He may be disrespecting you, but right now, by wasting your thoughts on him, you're disrespecting yourself, too.  And that's not okay.  Be your own biggest fan, and only allow yourself to think thoughts that benefit and strengthen you, The Queen of your own life.  As they say, "Slay, Queen, slay" those evil thoughts that make you feel less than.

#5  Running on empty

You've come up with a manageable, short to-do list of ways to get back on track with your life, but -- even though the list is doable -- you lack the motivation to keep going past the first few days.  This is just killing you, and now you're judging yourself for the inability to stick with it.  You're starting to think that all those things your ex has been saying about you are really true.

What to do instead:  Just keep getting back on track.  Know that you are amazing for getting this far, and for making a doable plan.  Maybe you want to simplify it even further, or get it down to just one item.  Yes, one item on your divorce recovery to-do list is okay.  In fact, it's great.  If you feel like you've hit a wall, maybe you need a little accountability from a coach who works only with divorcees.

#6  Hoping that time will heal all wounds

You realize that the sadness, depression, anger, or anxiety isn't getting better with time, but keep putting off doing anything about it.  You're busy with work, the new logistics of your life, and handling your children's needs first.  Besides, you truly don't know what to do.  Everyone tells you that the grieving and healing process can take years.  The problem is:  The downward spiral slowly sucks you in, and it becomes harder and harder to pull yourself out.

What to do instead:  If this is a manifestation of chronic depression or anxiety that you've been experiencing long-term during other challenging times in your life, it's now time to get in touch with a professional, and this is usually covered by your health insurance.  Don't keep putting it off.  It's commendable that you've been trying to handle this on your own, but it's time to find a therapist with whom you feel comfortable.  If you're pretty sure that the feelings you're having are a one-time situation related only to your divorce, maybe a coach is all you need.  Here's a checklist, if you're wondering what a divorce healing coach does. 

#7  Therapy goes on and on, and is just an expensive chance to vent

You've been in therapy for over a year now, and the listening ear is nice, but you're wondering why your therapist isn't giving you more input and step-by-step guidance.  In fact, you've even asked her about this, without answers that convince you that you're on the right track.  You're beginning to wonder whether you're being helped by this open-ended therapy arrangement, and you hate it that you have the sinking feeling that it's in your therapist's interest to keep you as a client forever.

What to do instead:  If you're frustrated with lack of progress, and are starving for a more structured approach, I would love you to check out my 7-step system, which leads you through a unique proven, logical, step-by-step method.  It's a method that is also infused with ways to get hold of your power as a woman and use it as a dynamic force to craft your life into a path that you're thrilled with and proud of.  Many women take my 7-step coaching in addition to work with a therapist, if they're attending therapy as management of a chronic experience of depression and/or anxiety.

#8  Your support group is too much of a pity party

Your church- or community-based support group is a nice place to go each week, but it always ends up being more of a kvetch session than giving you techniques for emotional healing.  Yes, it's helpful to get together and hear everyone's story, but after a while, you notice that it's just an escape (and an escape that, oddly, keeps reinforcing the negative emotions that you want to work through and heal from).

What to do instead:  You may want to stay in your group for the social element, but it sounds like you are ready for change.  Why not have a talk with a coach or two who specializes in guiding women through true healing and transformation using divorce as the key.  Many coaches, including myself, offer an appointment at a reduced rate that's more than just a getting-to-know-you session: actual coaching is done. I call mine Virtual Coffee Dates where we do more than just chat about where you are and what you need. You get to judge whether the 30 minutes was worth your time (because there's a money-back guarantee), and it gives you a very solid idea of whether there is rapport, and whether you really do feel movement in the right direction -- from the very first call.