Welcome to a brief introduction to the four steps I developed for myself (and now teach) to recover from the emotional effects of midlife divorce -- and move forward to the fulfill all of my lifelong dreams. The only difference between you and me: It took me years to find a straight-forward method of healing quicker and moving on. It took a very long time to slog through many divorce recovery methods that really didn't work, and kept me stuck in the very patterns that I wanted to free myself from.
Talk therapy. Traditional methods of meditation. Yoga (I even became a registered yoga teacher). Soul searching and self-recrimination. Facing the "realities" of midlife (just a tip here: don't let anyone tell you to reduce your expectations and get ready to settle for less because you're older). Online dating and, ahem, the ranks of older men (often waaay older) who at first seem to be the bread-and-butter of dating experiences for women over 40.
I did everything that professionals and well-meaning friends tell you to do. And guess what? Just when you really want and need to get moving in your life, and leave behind a past that you can't do anything about -- following the conventional wisdom keeps you back there. The conventional stages-of-grief model does just one thing: It keeps you slogging through the stages of grief and low-grade depression. Year after year after year.
And, when you feel that way, it's no coincidence that the things that keep going wrong seem insurmountable, and the things that are going well don't resonate with you as positively and powerfully as they should.
Curious about the program that was born from the ashes of my own divorce recovery experience? I can't wait to share them with everyone who's in this life-changing (and that's a good thing!) situation.
Here are the four basic steps that I teach in The Dynamic Divorcée program, and I believe in tackling them in this order:
1. Get functioning fast. No matter what is the most emergent emergency on your plate at the time of the divorce revelation (that moment when you know there's no turning back), you need to find a way to quickly calm the anxiety and get ready to function at the highest level you can. Although it's counter-intuitive for the majority of women, this means taking care of yourself first -- nurturing yourself, and being the person that you wished your spouse had been for you. For so many divorcing women, this will be the first time they've ever checked in with themselves to identify and start to satisfy their deepest needs. Most may never have really understood what their deepest needs are, or it may have been many years since they've dared to think about it.
2. Get focused fast. Once you've established a deep knowing that there is someone taking care of you (and that person is you, yourself), you can begin to hit the ground running and put together a short-term action plan that gives you the security of having some next steps toward beginning your new life. Not too many steps. Just enough for now.
3. Get fearless fast. You'll probably find that a few of the steps you've outlined for yourself may be a little (or a lot) outside your comfort zone. It's time to identify a few simple practices you can do to bring out the tigress within. Instead of trying on a self-help book's techniques for size, you'll get quiet within yourself and let your inner voice guide you on how to navigate each of your steps, a little at a time if you need to, in a way that you can manage without anxiety or overwhelm. (The self-nurturing practices that you found in step 1 above will be your touchstones.)
4. Find your feminine power. By now, you've learned to take deep care of yourself (step 1), you have a way (or several ways) to get in touch with your inner guidance and have some practical action steps to get you on your way (step 2), and you've figured out the best individual way for you to deal with feelings of fear and overwhelm (step 3). So now that you are already stepping into your own power, it's time to take a look at you, and your unique embodiment of feminine power. Beauty that is uniquely yours. The woman that you were born to be, but are perhaps meeting only now and for the very first time.
I take women on a journey through these steps with the primary focus on gently letting go of the past (rather than ruminating on it) while taking practical, simple action steps that move you toward a beautiful, happy new life. That new life evolves as you go along the path -- there's no cookie-cutter shape of what it should look like. We've all been shaped by that cookie cutter way too much already, and divorce is a priceless opportunity to meet the real you again (or, for many women, to find out who you are and what you want for the first time).
Want to find out more? Please fill in the box at the top right-hand side of this page. You'll receive our monthly e-zine with specific tips and practical steps to try out, as well as invitations to other programs and services that you can access from the comfort of home, wherever you are in the world.
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